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I Don’t Understand People

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , on June 25, 2012| 3 Comments »

I don’t understand people. I just don’t.
Oh an example you want? Okay. Recently we saw the movies The Avengers and Battleship. I didn’t really like the Avengers. However I really enjoyed Battleship. Obviously some people will like The Avengers better, no problem we like what we like. However I found the reason why people liked The Avengers over Battleships odd. The overwhelming consensus was that they didn’t like Battleship because it wasn’t believable or realistic. One person I spoke to who loved The Avengers wouldn’t even go to see Battleship because they heard that it wasn’t realistic.
Am I the only one who finds the flaw in this thinking? You can tell me if I’m wrong, but I found both movies unrealistic.
The Avengers is about a group of superhero’s battling a god in an effort to save mankind.
Battleship is about Aliens attacking earth and some Navy guys are battling the aliens to try and save mankind.
How is one of the movies more realistic than the other? I don’t understand.
You want another example? Okay.
Let us imagine you are walking across a parking lot and somebody backs out of a space, rather than paying attention to where they are driving they are paying attention to the conversation they are having on their cell phone. When told to hang up the phone and pay attention you are told ‘to mind your own f*****g business! How is it not your business when you are about to be run over?
The reality? My wife and I were walking across a parking lot and some lady backing out of a space almost ran us over because she was, of course, not looking where she was going, she was too busy talking on a cell phone. My wife tells her to hang up her phone and pay attention! The driver rolls down her window and yells at my wife to mind her own F***** business. My wife starts yelling back that it is everyone’s business when you are a hazard on the road, that when you risk the life of other people then it is everyones business.  Imagine our surprise that when my wife stopped yelling at the driver the whole parking lot started clapping and cheering and yelling “You tell her lady”. Yup my wife got a standing ovation in a parking lot by putting a stupid person in her place. The lady in the car turned beat red rolled up her windows put down her phone and got the heck out of dodge. It was a good day but I still don’t understand people.
You want yet another example? Okay one more.

I have to be a little delicate on this one because it concerns work. A technician requested from me a very specific piece of equipment. We simply did not have any. He tells me he needs one. I tell him that is wonderful and I’m sorry, but I don’t have one. He starts to tell me why he needs one. I interrupt him and explain that it really doesn’t matter why he needs one because I don’t have one regardless of the reason why he needs one. Obviously he didn’t understand the nature of the problem because he insisted on telling me why he needed one. After he got through his explanation he aseemed quite surprised that I still didn’t have one to give him.
Seriously, I don’t understand people.

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The Real Tweeters

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , , on June 12, 2012| 2 Comments »

Before I start this post, I want to add a line from my last post about famous lines from the movies  “As God is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly”  WKRP in Cincinati.  Those that remember the show, there is no need to explain you are grinning already.

May 18th is my official day to remove the outdoor Christmas decorations.  I was about to pull the wreath off the front door when I realized that there was a birds nest in the middle of the wreath complete with eggs.  I wasn’t sure if the nest was real as the wreath is pretty woodsy looking.  I confered with my wife who assured me that the wreath did not come with a nest.  When I went back out to look again Momma bird was a little upset, so I went on to other things.  Monday May 21st I took a picture of the eggs and two birds had hatched.  Every few days I would sneak out and take snap another picture.  June 5th I walked up to the nest as usual and snapped my picture and got out of the way.  I walked across the driveway and when I looked back all five baby birds exploded from the nest landing in the various trees.  The following are the pictures in order.

Baby Birds

52912

All eggs hatched

52912

Getting bigger

531

62

And two minutes later they flew

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Best Movie Quotes

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on May 21, 2012| 6 Comments »

Okay so I decided to list ten of my favourite entertainment quotes:  Feel free to add some in the comments section.

1 “Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in Hell”  From the movie 300

2 “next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”  Ghostbusters

3 “Release The Kraken!”  Clash of the Titans

4 “I could have had a pissed on carpet”  The Big Lebowski

5 “Fill your hand you son of a bitch”  True Grit.

6 “Timmy’s in the well”  Lassie

7 “Poop in his hand! Poop in his hand!”  G-Force

8 “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” High Fidelity

9 “Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape”  Planet of the Apes

10 “Nobody puts baby in a corner” Dirty Dancing.

(bonus quote),  “My precious…”  Lord of the Rings.

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Blinking and Winking and a Ride to Work

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , , on April 12, 2012| 2 Comments »

Quietly driving the to work, The radio is tuned to our favourite talk radio show,(yes we have reached that age) our friend, the very funny Kevin Nelson is host. I’m negotiating traffic, enjoying the views from the mountain top, just enjoying a quiet ride into work while my wife relaxes in the passenger seat with her eyes closed.  Suddenly my wife speaks up:

Denyce: I just learned I can wink out of both eyes independently.

Silence

Denyce:  If both eyes are open I can close my left eye without a problem however if I close my right eye the left side of my face wrinkles up.

Silence

Denyce:  If both eyes are closed I can open my left eye without a problem but if I open just my right eye my left eye opens just a little bit.

Me:  Well, it has been a while since I’ve been able to write a post for my blog.  But I think that’s about to change.

We both laugh and talk about my upcoming post, and how she got thinking about winking and blinking.

 a moment passes.

Denyce:  Maybe it is because my left leg is shorter than my right leg.

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What is Your Lot in Life?

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , , , , on March 10, 2012| 3 Comments »

You know what I love about ancient history?  It was all one big blood bath!  Take Haman for example.  What you have never heard of Haman?  Let me enlighten you.  Haman, otherwise known as the Evil Haman was a descendant of Agag, funny name, but you deal with what life gives you. Agag was the King of Amalekites, (see despite his unfortunate name he became a king).  The Amalekites were the descendants of the Almalek and if you want to know who that is, look it up yourself because I’m getting lost in all the links I have to go through to tell this story.  However I wouldn’t waste your time looking that up because the Amalekites, (spoiler alert) were wiped out by King Saul and David as directed by God.  Back in 15BC when all this was taking place when God said jump well you had just better jump mister.  Obviously they were not all killed because we still had the problem of the Evil one who now served Artaxerxes II the King of Persia.  Looking at Artaxesrxes name I can only assume it was his grandfather who you can blame for the creation of taxes.  But that is just a hunch.

Pay attention because now we are back on track and getting back to the point of all this.  Sometimes I have to feel bad for you readers because at this point in the tale you have no idea what this post is really about.  Have a little faith and keep reading, it will all become clear.

Haman didn’t like the Jews, probably because Dave and Saul killed off most of his ancestors. I’m willing to bet that Haman didn’t take into account that his ancestors probably tried to kill off the Jews, again an assumption.  I’m not clicking on yet another link to unwind the entire tale.  So Haman plotted to kill all the Jews in Persia.  He tried to convince the King of Persia, (Artaxes) to start off by killing Mordecai.  Haman decided on Mordecai for two reasons, first he drew ‘lots’ and the name he pulled was Mordecai. Mordecai refused to postulate himself before the King making him a seemingly easier target to convince the King to have Mordecai killed.  But as we soon learn, Haman the Evil had yet another little known title which is ‘Haman the Stupid’

Earlier, Mordecai uncovered a plot to assassinate King Artaxes and because of Mordecai’s vigilance the plot was foiled and Mordecai’s service to the king was noted in the King’s royal ledger.

Is anyone out there still reading?  I hope so it is about to get interesting. Mordecai was a super nice guy.  He was so nice that when his cousin Esther became an orphan Mordecai adopted her and raised her as his own daughter.  Years later Artaxes had one of his wives exiled and took another.  This new wife was Esther!  Yes a Jew, yes the same Jew that Mordecai raised as his own daughter.

Mordy learned of the plot to assassinate the Jews of Persia and talked to Queen Esther.  Queen Esther armed the Jews of Persian cities to fight against Haman’s armies and the Jews, as usual were winning the battle. At this point King Artaxes rescinded the order to kill the Jews of the empire. Mordecai quickly became respected member of the court and Haman ended up being executed in the gallows that were built for the execution of Mordecai. 

In memory the Jews celebrate the narrow escape and celebrate the feast of ‘Lots’ because of the Lots that Haman drew when deciding which of the Elder Jews of the empire to assassinate first. 

The Hebrew word for ‘lots’ is Purim and March 7th was Purim so a late happy Purim to you all.

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Passover is Getting Easier

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on March 6, 2012| 1 Comment »

Last year I wrote a post about Passover, it was one of my more successful posts. Click here if you missed it, well worth the read in my opinion. A somewhat humours but accurate take on one of our more poplular holidays. 

The other day I was in the grocery store and came across this little gem and it occurs to me that life, despite the fact that technology is leaving me in the dust, is getting a lot easier.

Kosher for Passover cotton candy.  Perhaps I should think about celebrating the holiday again.

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Batteries Not Included

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , , , on March 5, 2012| 2 Comments »

We purchased a new living room sofa, and this badboy is huge, plus with the touch of a button each section reclines. There is a battery backup in the case of a black out but we have yet to put a battery in.  Why?  Because it takes two 9 volt batteries, they are 7.99 and we are cheap.  Besides we live in the woods in the middle of almost nowhere what are the chances of a power failure?

So the other day we did not have a power failure and we still don’t have batteries in the recliner because we are still cheap, but I did learn how we would get our lazy butts out of the chair if there was an outage.

My wife was sitting beside me on her side playing a video game on the computer, half asleep with three of the cats piled on top of her.  I’m on my side, playing a computer game on the ole’ Xbox, half asleep with two cats zoned out on my lap.   The dog is outside on her lunge line.  Suddenly I hear the sound of dogs growling.  Sequoia is more than ready to take on any dog that crosses her path.  I didn’t even think.  Pressing the button on the chair would take too much time.  I tossed the Xbox controller and just leaped off the end of the recliner which remained in its reclined position, my wife was hot on my heels. So yes it is possible to leave the electric recliners without power or a battery backup.

As for the dogs?

When I stepped outside Sequoia was nose to nose with a German shepherd and no, not a guy with a heavy accent herding sheep but the four legged dog type.  I’ve got to give the shepherd credit, he stayed just out of reach of Sequoia they could touch noses but that was it.  The dog took one look at me and headed for home. No blood, no wounds, no fuss no muss.  Just like that it was over.

What is the moral of the story?  We don’t need no stinkin’ batteries.

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So, Where did the Candy Go?

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on February 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Not a post so to speak, Just Sequoia and I having a little fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P6g9L7xNu4

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What is in Your Wallet?

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on January 27, 2012| 1 Comment »

So, What is in your wallet?

Because of a particular commercial this is a question I hear all the time when I watch the television, which is all the time.  So what is in my wallet?  Let me wedge it out of my back pocket and take a look.

In the money spot

Lots of folded up or crumpled up receipts that I’ll never have a use for.

Three “Make it Right” cards, this is given to us by the company I work for.  So If I’m in the grocery store and wearing company clothing and somebody comes up to me and starts complaining about us, I can hand them a “Make it Right” card. When the customer calls the number on the back it goes to a ‘special phone number’ the customer is asked to read off the ID number on the front and that card is linked to me.  The operator then knows this customer has had direct contact with me and I am kept in the loop to ensure the customer is being treated properly. When people complain to me I can’t help them because I work in a warehouse so I can’t get into the Billing system, I’m not a technician so I can’t really answer technical questions, so before they issued these cards my only option was to listen to them bitch and look like an idiot.  Now I still listen to them bitch, I still look like an idiot, but at least I can try to point them in the right direction. Thus far I’ve handed out three cards and they were never activated so I’m not sure why the customer was bitching to me.

1 Ten Dollar bill.  I ordered some Girl Scout cookies so I’ll need the money when they show up.

Some post it notes with passwords and numbers, but I have no idea to whom the numbers belong to or what the passwords are linked to.  But I’m afraid to lose them.

Information for renting a dumpster that my wife gathered a few years ago so we can get rid of a bunch of stuff in the garage.  We never did anything with it, but she told me not to lose the info so here it sits.

On the right side I have:

Business cards from companies I’ve never heard of

3 Club Cards you know those cards so you can earn point or get reduced prices.  Why can’t they just give lower prices rather than make you join a club?  

2 Credit cards, a drivers license and most important my official ‘Always Right Card’  I need the card so when my wife and I disagree on something I pull out the card which states that I am always right!  In theory this should bring the disagreement to an end.  In theory.

 The Left side:

More paper containing numbers codes and passwords to god knows what.

My Onstar card, 3 insurance cards that look identical, another credit card that I don’t think is active anymore and my Green Card which really isn’t green.

In the center section I have a business card from Pirates Treasure It has a skull and cross bones on it, so it looks cool in the little transparent part where you are supposed to put the driver’s license.

 I have one ‘credit card’ that is not actually a credit card.  It is a magic trick that I’ve long forgotten what it does.

More folded up pieces of paper, a subway gift card that I’ve totally forgotten about that probably still has enough for a sandwich.

Don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going for lunch.

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It is Always Amazing, What I Don’t Know

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations, tagged , , on January 25, 2012| 9 Comments »

I’m sitting here watching the auditions for American Idol.  I can’t sing at all but I often wonder what song I would sing if I was auditioning.  I really don’t know, I’m very eclectic in my listening pleasure.  For the most part I don’t like jazz or opera everything else is fair game.  Often I forget how much I like a specific song.  It is kind of like watching TV.  I always forget how much I love watching I love Lucy or the Honeymooners until I’m channel surfing accidently fall upon one of those shows.

So I’m sitting here watching American Idol and wondering if I’m ever going to post anything on my blog again.  I can’t think of anything to write.  Nothing too exciting is going on and frankly I just can’t seem to find the energy to write, although I do miss writing. 

While I watch Idol I’m surfing the web trying to find something to write about.  First I go to Face Book.  My friend Ray Parker (The Mad Hatter) posts a clip of Sammy Davis Jr. performing Mr. Bojangles.  I’ve love that song, especially when performed by Sammy. I once knew it word for word but I never knew Mr. Bojangles was a real person. Bill (Bojangles) Robinson was an American tap dancer and actor of both the stage and screen.  So I watched a clip of Bill Robinson in action, a clip from the Shirley Temple movie ‘Little Colonel’ and Bill Robinson is teaching little Shirley Temple a tap routine.  I watched the Sammy Davis Jr. clip again with a new understanding of the song. 

So I said to myself, I said, “Self, you can blog about this”  doesn’t matter that nobody else cares.  My blog, my rules. So I started typing.  Then I started thinking.  What if Sammy David Jr. Didn’t write the song?   He didn’t!  Jerry Jeff Walker wrote Mr. Bojangles.  Okay, many singers don’t write their own songs, there are song writers that do that sort of thing.  And yes Jerry Jeff Walker is a song writer, but he also performs.  He is a country western dude and much to my surprise Mr. Bojangles is a country song.  And my third least favourite type of music is Country music so I’m sure you can appreciate my surprise when I found that I really liked Jerry Jeff Walker’s performance of the song.  More amazing is that Jerry Jeff Walker didn’t write the song about Bill Robinson.  While Jerry Jeff was in jail for intoxication there was a white man who refused to give his name to the police and called himself Mr. Bojangles.  In an attempt to lighten the mood in the cell Mr. Bojangles started tap dancing and the song was born.  Then I said, “Self, who else sang this song?”  I started listening.  Neil Diamond did a decent job, Nina Simone absolutely incredible, John Denver was typical John Denver.  Everybody and his mother recorded this song, but nothing like Sammy, I think it was because for some reason this song was very special to Sammy.  But then I clicked on one more version.  Sorry Sammy, I’ve always loved watching and listening to you and probably always will.  But in this instance David Bromberg takes this song to a new level of greatness.

And you know without the internet I would probably never even thought to look any of it up. 

I knew a man, Bojangles and….

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