Posts Tagged ‘cars’

Recently we were re watching Tombstone. When somebody was itching for a gun fight Doc Holliday would say, in a very casual laid back way, “I’ll be your huckleberry”. Ominous music would play there would be a close up shot of his opponents gun hand, then a close up of doc’s eyes, and the would be ruffian would walk away. For days, possibly weeks, when anyone looks at me, including the dogs I’d say, ‘I’ll be your huckleberry’. Okay I won’t actually say it, but I’ll certainly think it even without understanding what it means. I know it’s a plant and Tom Sawyer’s friend Huckleberry Finn. But in Doc Holliday’s context I had no idea, more importantly I don’t care. But I’m thinking about it, and then thought about you. Yes you! What if you care? Don’t I owe you an explanation? No, I don’t owe you one, but because I’m a kind generous person I thought, out of the goodness of my heart I’d look it up and share my findings.

Turns out when Doctor Holliday is saying, “I’ll be your huckleberry’ what he means is, ‘I’m the man for the job’. Or, “you looking for trouble? I’ll be that trouble”.

So now you know. You are welcome.

So what else am I thinking about these days?

Driving down a two lane country highway (one direction each way) we came upon a sign which made me wonder what catastrophic event happened that this particular town decided it was necessary to use this particular wording, ‘Do not pass when opposing traffic is present’. Sure makes sense, some may say even logical. Is the usual, ‘pass with care’ to gentle? I guess so.

Public restrooms. I am 56 yrs old and have Crohns Disease I have been in my share of restrooms, yet I’ve never been able to rest in any of them. In fact they fill me with tension, apprehension and dread. We should come up with a better name.

We have noticed that in RV parks very little deters people from having a campfire. First time I noticed this I was sitting in our kitchen looking out the window just watching the pouring rain when I realized the people at the site next to us, (also in a large fifth wheel) were sitting outside in their lawn chairs in the rain. Not under their awnings, just sitting around a smoldering, smoking campfire letting the rain pour down on them. One or two were wrapped in a towel. I thought to myself, ‘freaks’. But I’ve seen it quite a few times now in different campgrounds. Why would you invest so much money, time and effort to be comfortable while camping and then sit in the rain? Could have saved a ton of money and bought a tarp and a rope and make a shelter between two trees.

Speaking of campfires. The woods are safe from me, I can have the best weather for fire the driest wood, plenty of paper and kindling and yes, lighter fluid. We even made our own fire starters. I use the tepee approach leaving plenty of gaps for air to get through and I can usually get the fire started and it lasts until the igniter fluid burns off. Takes a lot to keep it going. It is frustrating when I see people with blazing fires in a rainstorm.

Shouldn’t the word, ‘ambiguous’ have more than one meaning?

There is a car that has a safety feature that alerts when the driver’s eyes leave the road. The problem as I see it, my eyes are going to leave the road as I try to figure out why the car is making noises at me. It doesn’t sound like its a cycle that ends well.

Aspen Dental, they say they take walk ins, they don’t. If you miss your appointment by 15 minutes…forget about it and embrace the pain.

Now if you want to read more posts…I’ll be your huckleberry.

Read Full Post »

Our old car was a Mitsubishi Outlander Sport. Being smaller than the average suv and bright blue it was really easy to spot in a parking lot.

Our new car is the larger Outlander, it is black and looks like every other black suv on the road.

Tonight we went to Pizza Hut for some take out pizza. I went in, Denyce stayed in the car I got two pizza’s an order of breadsticks and some sort of cheesy garlic balls of goodness. I balanced them all on top of one another and carefully made my way back. In a minor feat of balance I squished the boxes between myself and the car to hold them steady and opened the back passenger door. It was locked. I figured Denyce got nervous and locked the doors. And as that thought crossed my mind it was quickly replaced by another. Wrong car!

Quickly I backed away, this car was right in front of the door to Pizza Hut. What if the owner of this car saw me? Being Hicksville central what if the owner came storming out of the Pizza Hut guns a blazing? In these parts nobody would think twice about a redneck shooting the Jew who was trying to steal a car by putting non kosher pizza’s in the back seat.

I made it safely out of the line of fire site from the restaurant, and came around the edge of our car. This time I knew it was our car because Denyce was in the front seat laughing to the point of hysterics. Did she not know I was almost killed by a Jew hating, gun toting redneck in central Pa? No, all see saw was her husband trying to put pizza in the back of a strangers car.

We drove home with the wonderful aroma of pizza filling our souls and tears of laughter in our eyes Denyce explained to me how just the other day she came out of a building and had to try three cars before she finally found our car. On one car she saw the first part of the word ‘out’ and didn’t bother to read the rest of the word, ‘outlander’ ‘outback’ close enough, except for the fact that the car was green!

Read Full Post »

I don’t understand people. I just don’t.
Oh an example you want? Okay. Recently we saw the movies The Avengers and Battleship. I didn’t really like the Avengers. However I really enjoyed Battleship. Obviously some people will like The Avengers better, no problem we like what we like. However I found the reason why people liked The Avengers over Battleships odd. The overwhelming consensus was that they didn’t like Battleship because it wasn’t believable or realistic. One person I spoke to who loved The Avengers wouldn’t even go to see Battleship because they heard that it wasn’t realistic.
Am I the only one who finds the flaw in this thinking? You can tell me if I’m wrong, but I found both movies unrealistic.
The Avengers is about a group of superhero’s battling a god in an effort to save mankind.
Battleship is about Aliens attacking earth and some Navy guys are battling the aliens to try and save mankind.
How is one of the movies more realistic than the other? I don’t understand.
You want another example? Okay.
Let us imagine you are walking across a parking lot and somebody backs out of a space, rather than paying attention to where they are driving they are paying attention to the conversation they are having on their cell phone. When told to hang up the phone and pay attention you are told ‘to mind your own f*****g business! How is it not your business when you are about to be run over?
The reality? My wife and I were walking across a parking lot and some lady backing out of a space almost ran us over because she was, of course, not looking where she was going, she was too busy talking on a cell phone. My wife tells her to hang up her phone and pay attention! The driver rolls down her window and yells at my wife to mind her own F***** business. My wife starts yelling back that it is everyone’s business when you are a hazard on the road, that when you risk the life of other people then it is everyones business.  Imagine our surprise that when my wife stopped yelling at the driver the whole parking lot started clapping and cheering and yelling “You tell her lady”. Yup my wife got a standing ovation in a parking lot by putting a stupid person in her place. The lady in the car turned beat red rolled up her windows put down her phone and got the heck out of dodge. It was a good day but I still don’t understand people.
You want yet another example? Okay one more.

I have to be a little delicate on this one because it concerns work. A technician requested from me a very specific piece of equipment. We simply did not have any. He tells me he needs one. I tell him that is wonderful and I’m sorry, but I don’t have one. He starts to tell me why he needs one. I interrupt him and explain that it really doesn’t matter why he needs one because I don’t have one regardless of the reason why he needs one. Obviously he didn’t understand the nature of the problem because he insisted on telling me why he needed one. After he got through his explanation he aseemed quite surprised that I still didn’t have one to give him.
Seriously, I don’t understand people.

Read Full Post »

Last Thursday night I really had trouble going to sleep. Every time I would get even close to a light doze our hooligan cats would start running around, jumping off of furniture hissing and snarling at each other. It was one of those rare occasions where I could not wait for morning to arrive.

Finally it was time to get up, my wife got up to take her shower after a moment I heard some sort of muted scream, seconds later she crawled back into bed. She looked at me and said, “I can’t deal with it, you have too.” With great trepidation and sinking heart I headed into the bathroom and found nothing out of the ordinary. I pulled back the shower curtain, evidently at some point during the night a full blown slaughter had taken place. The first thing I noticed was the mouse butt and back feet, the front of the mouse was missing. Over in the corner I found part of the head, under the shower seat there was another chunk, amongst the cat puke I noticed some other mouse parts.

I did manage to clean up the mess without puking, but I came awfully close, I did spend the next 2 hours in deep focused concentration reciting the mantra in my head, ‘do not throw up, do not throw up,’ For the next day and a half every time thought about the mouse parts I had to concentrate on not throwing up. Even now three days later I still feel a little nauseous in this retelling of the tale.

This is our prime suspect.

Saturday night we decided to pick up some pizza. We took the dog and as usual she jumped into the back of our SUV I leaned in the side door and secured her into the back. We do this so she does not become a projectile should we get into some sort of accident. Everything looking good I jumped behind the wheel and backed out of the garage. CRRUUNNCH! My wife and I look at each other, WTF?

Neither my wife nor I closed the back of the car. When the back hatch is up it won’t clear the lip of the garage door. While the hatch was bent out of shape, we could open and close it but the door simply would not stay shut. It took us half an hour to figure out how to secure the bloody door so we could still drive the car. The inside of the door is smooth as is the outside, no holes, no latches nothing to secure a rope too. Eventually we were able to pry the back panel up just enough to spot a hole on either side of the door, I fit a bungee cord into each hole and I hooked the other end onto the mounts for the child safety seat. Worked like a charm. Now of course we have the bother of sorting things out with the insurance company and having the door either replaced or fixed. Not sure if they can fix it, and they are no longer making Saturn’s so it should be interesting.

This evening we had some errands that we had to run. Once again I made sure the back of the car wouldn’t spring open and off we went. Upon arrival back home I unlocked the front door, and as I was pulling my key out of the lock the key somehow slipped off the key ring and fell through the less than the quarter inch gap in the boards of our deck.

My key is down there.

Read Full Post »

Things that drive me crazy:

I was sitting at a stoplight in the right hand lane.  I have two possibilities, I can go straight, or I can turn right.  The van beside me was in the left hand lane which means they have the option of going straight or turning left.  I’m minding my own business when the driver honks her horn.  I casually look over, and using a form of sign language she communicates to me that when the light turns green she is going to pull in front of me and turn right.  I smile and shake my head ‘no’.  She looks at me with her big eyes and nods her head vigorously that she needs to turn right.  I shrug and point behind me indicating that if she needed to turn right then she should be in the right line behind me and not in the left.  She rolls down her window and starts to say something to me.  I smile and shake my head ‘no’.  She starts a new kind of sign language that involves an ugly face and one finger, and lots of words coming out of her lips that thankfully I cannot hear.  The light turns green and she starts to pull ahead of me.  But she isn’t fast enough, the car behind me doesn’t let her in either.  I grin and travel on down the road. 

I’m not the one who got into the wrong lane. I’m not the one who wants to break the law.  I’m not the one who wants to hold up morning rush hour traffic.  Yet it seems from her gestures that I am somehow the bad guy.

I’m getting off an exit ramp and merging into traffic that is not moving.  Everybody is doing the right thing.  One car goes, the other merges, next car goes, next car merges.  Yet three cars behind me the driver does not wish to wait his turn and merge.  No, he is special.  He thinks it is okay to fly past all the other cars and then merge as the road disapears into one lane.  Then he gets upset with me when I don’t let him merge in front of me. 

For the love of all things, do not speed past me, cut in front of me and then slow down.   

By all means turn on your turn signal after you have already changed lanes.

Better yet don’t turn on your turn signal, but by all means slow way the hell down to make a turn without any warning.

Even better, I know you see me trying to make a left hand turn out of the gas station.  I wait because you are moving pretty fast.  Can you tell me why you wait till the last possible minute to turn on your turn signal?  Seriously I could have gone had I known that.  Thanks moron.

Don’t get upset with me when I fly past you at 70 miles an hour and toot my horn and scare the crap out of you because you are too busy texting and driving to realize you are slowly crossing into the passing lane doing 50 miles an hour in a 65 mile an hour speed zone, and had no idea I was there.

In fact don’t get upset with me when I toot my horn to scare the crap out of you because I look over and you are trying to drive and text at the same time.  If you had been driving and paying attention I wouldn’t have to scare the crap out of you in the first place.

When I look in the rear view mirror and you are putting on your makeup while sucking on my exhaust pipe all I really want to do is slam on my breaks.

Go ahead and tailgate me while I’m doing the speed limit or faster.  Depending on my mood I’ll probably go even slower.

If nothing else I ask two things:

A) Learn to use your turn signals.

B) Learn to merge!  I’m talking to you Pennsylvanians.  The people on the highway have the right of way, we don’t have to move over for you to merge.  You are the one that has to do the merging.  And while I am at it.  Don’t stop on the highway to let people in.  You only think you are being nice.  But have you given a thought to the people who have to come to a stop behind you.  It is a highway for crying out loud!

Stepping of my soap box now.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: