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The Mall

April 18, 2010 by Brian

My wife’s cousin made the following statement on Facebook a few weeks ago:  “I am officially THAT guy who waits for his wife in the nail salon while his wife gets her eyebrows done.” I just had to laugh, is there anybody who has been married for any length of time who isn’t that guy?  

One day my wife, (not my current wife, my ex-wife) and I were perusing through the mall. She was shopping for who the heck knows what and as she headed into yet another store I found a bench.  The elderly gentleman who was already sitting there looked up from his paper as I sat down and we had the following conversation.

Mr X. “Welcome to the bench club”

Me: “Excuse me?”

X: “The MetroTown bench club, which store is she in?”

Me: (pointing) “I’m pretty sure that one over there.”

X: “my wife went in that one over there 2o minutes ago”

Me: “Twenty minutes?  I certainly hope she will show up soon.  My wife won’t take that long.”

X: (giving me an odd look) “If you say so, mine shouldn’t be much longer after all I’m holding her purse (he reached down and raised her purse a little so I could see it) and she will be needing it soon enough.”

Me: “So, you sit on the bench holding her purse reading the paper while your wife shops”

X: “Thats the truth of it son.  Mind you I started off just like you, sitting on the bench while she ran into the store…just for a minute eventually I learned to bring a paper to read. I’m not sure when I started holding the purse that just happens”

Me: (starting to look around for my wife and thinking, the last thing she said to me was, can you wait out here for me? I’ll only be a minute).

X: (grinning)  “Yes son, I was once like you thinking that it’s not going to happen to me.  Yet here I sit.”

A few minutes later my wife came out the store, and as I got up to leave Mr. X said to me, “Next time bring a paper, you will need it”

Well I’m not married to my ex anymore (which is why I refer to her as my ex). And my current wife likes to shop about as much as I do so I never find myself sitting on the bench waiting for her except for two weeks ago while she was having her hair done.

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments »

Only in a small town

April 14, 2010 by Brian

We were grocery shopping the other day at Giant (a large grocery store chain here in Pa) when we got to the cashier the nice young man, (Anthony) checking us out asked us what we were up to today?  The following conversation unfolds as I wait to pay three days worth of earnings for three bags of groceries.

Wife: “Not much going home to relax, we just finished eating at Denny’s where we sat in our favourite waiters section.”

Anthony: “Oh, you must be talking about Mark, he’s a good buddy of mine”

Wife: “So you know Mark?”

Anthony: “He is one of my best friends, he’s helped me out a lot”

Me: Blink, blink

Posted in Small town life | 4 Comments »

Remembering The Important Things.

April 11, 2010 by Brian

Friday was a bad day.  I bent down to tie my shoe and my back went out.  During the week we hit temperatures of  80 degrees , Friday it was snowing  and the heating system took a dump.  In the end however, our problems were not so bad.  Bear, a dog that had been lost for 7 weeks was found, We called the repair guy and our heating system is up and running.  I went to the doctor on Saturday and I’m  now on Vicodine and Flexerol, (yes this is going to be a short post) and while my back still hurts it doesn’t seem to matter as much.  In trying times you just have to remember things could always be worse and you have to remember whats important.

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments »

Blue Blazes

April 6, 2010 by Brian

A few weeks ago we were sitting down at Denny’s to eat with the usual Tuesday night crew. I ordered a chopped steak, smothered in mushrooms, cheese and onions. When my new-found friend Airplane, (I call him Airplane because every time I see him not only is he holding an airplane, he can tell me the make and model, and if pressed, probably the maximum air speed and altitude as well) turns to me and says, “What in blue blazes is that?” I almost choked on my mouthful of food. Really, it was the last thing I expected from a four-year old.

I guess I’m pretty impressionable and children should watch their language around me because now I try to work the phrase ‘blue blazes’ into almost every conversation. To make matters worse we recently saw ‘Clash of the Titans’ so on top of ‘blue blazes’ I also manage to work in ‘Release the Kraken!” What makes things even more interesting, (in my mind anyway) is that my favourite word is Australopithecus.

“What in blue blazes… is that an Australopithecus? Release the Kraken!”

Am I the only one who finds this entertaining. I bet when Airplane starts to read more he would get a kick out of it. In the mean time the rest of you can help out a great charity. Thanks to those who have helped support the cause.

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment »

Giving Back

April 4, 2010 by Brian

Pets don’t have many choices, they are completely at our mercy, I know it doesn’t always feel that way but they are, and we are responsible for them, every last one.  They are bred, for the most part, with little or no thought for the thousands of other dogs and cats who don’t have homes, don’t have anyone to look after them.  Most people don’t understand that when a dog is purchased from anywhere but a reputable breeder or some sort of humane society we are supporting puppy mills, supporting back yard breeders who out of ignorance are producing dogs that are probably going to end up with temperament or medical problems if not both, breeding dogs that are statistically going to end up on the loose living a miserable existence, or living in a shelter.  Either way it’s no way to live but at least at the shelter they have just that, shelter, food, people who care about them and with any luck, eventually a good home. 

Animals in our society don’t rate for much in any legal sense, they are simply property and not just property but the lowest sort of property.   In an emergency (such as a fire) the rule of thumb according to Emergency services is you save people, property and then animals (the last is usually optional).

Our pets give us so much otherwise why would there be so many of them?  No matter what we do to them they love us unconditionally, they help us in so many ways. How many times on the news do we hear about the pets that alert their owners to a fire and end up saving the family?  They are our constant companions, they are our eyes, there are alert dogs, rescue dogs, dogs that help us find criminals, find mines for soldiers and the list goes on.  

clicking on this link will enable you to donate to the Clearfield County SPCA where every bit helps.  Plus if Sequoia is one of the top donation earners she will be featured on their 2011 calendar.  Raising money is not really what my blog is about and I promise this won’t be a regular theme, but every once in a while you have to give back.  So thanks in advance, thanks to those that have already given. 

As always thanks for reading, and next post we will be back to our regularly scheduled programing.

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Decorating, Day Two

March 30, 2010 by Brian

 We are still working on the bedroom remodel, (yes it is going to be a long drawn out process). We  removed some more molding pulled out the TV and TV cabinet, and no it’s not one of those sleek little flat screens,  oh no my friends it is one of those really heavy monster TV’s that is the exact opposite of flat so it has the bonus of being bulky as well as heavy. 

We removed the baseboards and cut a whole in the back of the cabinet to accommodate the socket in the wall and put up the wall paper like stuff to cover the paneling.  Now the wall looks great the TV cabinet sits further back into the corner and flush against the wall so it takes up a little less room and looks fantastic.

Still my wife and I worked as a team with no issues between us. Wait, there was one small issue.  The wallpaper is pre-glued but the glue has to be activated, so you cut a length you want, (in our case 7 ft long and the paper is 18 inches in width) and then run the paper through a trough of water, each part must be in the water for a good 15 seconds.  There are probably a variety of ways to execute this particular task but we have decided the, ‘Aching arms, sore back stretched out ham strings’ method works best for us. 

Allow me to explain, the trough is 18.5 inches long 3 inches in width and 4 inches deep.  So you can only wet 3 inches of wall paper at a time.  We have a bath sized walk in shower so the trough goes on the floor in the shower, my wife gets on one side and holds (at this point the bulk of the wallpaper) I’m on the other side of the trough bent in half placing the leading edge into the trough and we count 1 one thousand, thousand, 2 one thousand, thousand all the way up to 15 one thousand, thousand.  We found if you rush this step your stick ability to the wall is less than great.  Then I pull up the leading edge 3 inches and my wife hunches down in half and holds the next three inches in the trough and begins the count, then I raise the leading edge another three inches and so on for 7 foot length.  It is a slow process and halfway through my arms are getting tired because holding up wet wallpaper is not as easy as it may sound and 15 seconds multiplied by 7 feet is longer then you might expect. It is hard to ignore the pain in the back and thighs that creeps in as you remain in a bent position for an extended length of time.  

So, we are in position and everything is running smooth, we have about 5 feet of the paper good and wet and then it happens, my lovely wife who is still crouched over manages to head-butt the end of the paper I am holding up.  Did I mention that because you don’t want to ‘loose’ the glue you go through the process with the glue side face up in the water, which means that the non glue side is facing me and the glue side is, well you guessed it, facing my wife who now has glue hair.  Okay it may be that my arms were getting tired and I may have allowed a little slack in the paper and it could be the paper met the top of my wife’s head as she was leaning forward just a little. 

The best part is we were able to laugh.

We were able to laugh even though the future of my job is questionable.  We were able to laugh even though this is my wife’s busy season at work and they are understaffed and under a lot of strain.  We were able to laugh even though our room is in total upheaval. We were able to laugh even though this remodel is going to be a long drawn out process. We were able to laugh even though we have a few pets having some medical issues.

We are able to laugh, and there is nobody who I’d rather be laughing with.

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments »

40

March 28, 2010 by Brian

40 posts in, what can I say? I’d like to thank my wife, my family, the academy…

Forty is a milestone, I remember turning 40.  I was depressed for about a month and then I snapped out of it, and it was odd because getting older was never a problem for me.  Two days (ish) before my 40th I was walking around downtown on my lunch break and I noticed a sign on the window of an insurance agency which read, “The average lifespan is 84 yrs old, have you had your investment check up?”  I distinctly remember two thoughts, the first being that I’m almost half way finished and what have I done and more importantly where has it all gone?  And my second thought was, “I want a shiny red sports car.”

I didn’t get the car and I really don’t want one, just the thought of having to bend in half to get into one of those fancy little cars makes my bones hurt. As for what have I done with the time and where has it all gone?  I don’t particularly have a good concrete answer but I’m happy and I’m reasonably sure I’ve done more good than bad so does it really matter? An added bonus is that I’ve had 4 birthdays since and none of them have been a problem.

As I peruse through my older posts I can get little snapshots of some of the ways I’ve spent my time of course you can’t measure 40 posts to 44 years. I do worry a little when I’m sitting in front of the computer and I have absolutely nothing to say and the only thing going through my head is,  HOLY CRAP THERE MUST BE MORE THEN THIS? There must be because 40 times now I’ve managed to figure something out.  Now I just have to figure out the next 40.

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments »

Just Breathe

March 25, 2010 by Brian

I was asked today how I dealt with stress.  My first thought? I just stuff it down till it’s a burning, churning boiling knot in my gut.  While I admit that does happen on occasion it is not my usual method or is it?  I suffer from Crohn’s and when I think about things that are unpleasant my stomach tends to hurt. For the most part I can tell when its a stress related kind of thing because I can usually will the pain away.  If it is something I’ve had to eat or simply the disease roaring its ugly head willing the pain away doesn’t work.

Lately I’ve been undergoing quite a bit of stress.  My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore then it usually does, but my jaw hurts each morning from clenching my teeth.  So how do I deal with stress?  The question alone is stressing me out.

Does blogging help?  I gave myself two rules when I started blogging, first no rants, second no blogging about work. I have failed on both counts, a few of my posts are metaphoric in nature and not only are they rants, they are rants about work.  It is strangely thrilling for me to tell a story from my life and have it ‘secretly’ mean something else.  I guess its true that the best place it hide something is in plain sight.

So, how do I handle stress? I do have a few techniques.

Breathing!

Many moons ago on the way to the hospital an EMT gave me some breathing techniques.  Just getting more oxygen into your lungs does a body good.  Secondly concentrating on the breathing allows you to focus on breathing and not on the pain.  It’s like a magic trick. When I get frustrated over a particular task, or when things start to come at me all at once I just stop, take a few breaths and bring everything into focus and only then do I continue with the task at hand. 

Hope/trust

At some point I just have to take a leap of faith and know that it will all work out.  I am not fond of flying. But I have hope that the pilot really doesn’t want to die either.   So I’ve shifted the responsiblity to the pilot, doesn’t mean we are not going down in flames but it does mean there is nothing I can do about it so why waste my time worrying over it, right?

I do have an underlying faith that one way or another everything is going to work out.  What other choice is there?

 Yes I know, it’s all so much easier said the done, but then again I have to ask, what other choice is there?

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Too Fast

March 23, 2010 by Brian

I was in Barnes and Noble where they are heavily advertising ‘The Nook” which if you don’t know is an electronic book. 

I was passing the information desk when I happened to hear the following conversation between Grandmother and Grandaughter (10 or 11 yrs old)

Grandaughter: “What is a nook?”

Grandmother: “Its a quiet little place where you can go to read”

I love technology and we will be getting a Nook but I really identified with Grandma.

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments »

Decorating Day One

March 21, 2010 by Brian

Today we started re-decorating our bedroom.  We are putting a new treatment on the walls its a really thick textured wall paper like product that covers up the existing paneling. Once we get it on the walls we will paint it and it should, in theory look like venetian plaster.  We are also  putting up crown molding and custom book cases.  I thought this project would give me some interesting blogging material.  So far, nada.  Everything is going smooth.  We took down some molding from around the closet door and ceiling and put up some of heavy-duty wall paper-like stuff in one corner of the room.   Even figuring out how to get the stuff around the window went smoothly.

It really sucks when my wife and I don’t argue enough in these ventures for good blogging material, but this is an ongoing project and this was day one, so I’ll keep you posted.

Posted in Lifes Observations | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments »

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