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Posts Tagged ‘happiness marriage’

My wife and I have had a really rough few months.  We both have had a lot of job stress, we are re-decorating our bedroom, my folks, sister and nephew are coming to visit at the end of this week,   We are having health issues with a cat and the dog is on a new medication with some interesting side effects, trying to trap some kittens, (which I think mom has relocated so I don’t think its going to happen).  Lots of little things that we hope to get done by the end of the summer.  In short we have not had a lot of time to sit down and take it easy. 

This morning as we were getting to ready to work my beautiful wife asks me. “Is our anniversary today or Wednesday?”  My reaction must have been pretty close to a dear caught in the headlights.  Being a guy I knew this was a trap.  I had a 50/50 chance of getting this right.   Lucky for me there was something in my wife’s look and the sound of her voice, she really didn’t know.  I figured if she was being honest, so would I.  “Today or Wednesday?  Heck I didn’t even realize it was this month!” At which point we both just laughed.  I suggested that we try to figure out which day our anniversary lands on.  My wife’s response was, “Why? What difference does it make?”

Wednesday it will be our 9 year anniversary and the actual day doesn’t matter.  What matters is we found one another, we are in love, we are best friends, we are happily and solidly married.  Every morning we wake up beside each other is an anniversary. The time we spend together, that is what matters.

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for this post to make sense, you may want to read this one first.

My wife was in the kitchen, her back to the TV I was in the living room and I happened to see the commercial for the new Robin Hood movie.  The first thing I noticed is that Robin Hood is being played by an Australian.  I suppose that could be accurate, after all Robin Hood was a thief and Australia was a penal colony.

But what prompted this post was the conversation that followed the comercial of which my wife had not seen:

Me: “Hey it looks like that guy is going to play Friar Tuck”

Wife: “What in blue blazes are you talking about?”

Me: “You know that guy from the comedy”

Wife: (The Look)

Me: “You know that new movie, I think Friar Tuck is going to be played by that guy in the comedy we liked”

Wife: “You mean Still Standing?, and he was in A Knights Tale?”

Me: “Yes”.

Oh my God!

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My wife and I are still redecorating, still laughing and I’ve got one tip on how to decorate with your significant other and not be at one another’s throats.  Simple really, don’t do too much at any given time.  Give yourself a generous time line so there is not a lot of pressure to get things done now! While we didn’t fight, or even argue I could tell by the end of this particular day we both had pretty much reached our limit there was just a hint of that telltale tension in the air. 

Something else I’ve learned is try to have good lighting.  Our bedroom is pretty dark to make matters worse we had to remove two light sources so all we had was an overhead light and the light came through the windows.  Once we got everything back in order we did find a few issues that we will have to deal with, when we would have been able to correct them at the time had the lighting been better.  I know, sounds simple, but we don’t always do what sounds simple, logical or obvious. If we would keep to the simple and obvious rule we would have removed the three baskets full of laundry off our large, heavy king sized bed before we moved bed rather than after.

Overall everything is moving along nicely and we should be on target for our mid June completion date. The next big obstacle is going to be painting and that is only an obstacle because I don’t like painting not because I anticipate any problems. 

So I am sitting typing away with the TV on in the background when the show is interupted by a weather alert.  The TV goes to a black screen and those annoying beeps start. Seconds later the computer generated voice announces that, “There is a severe storm waring for the central paw region” My wife and I look at each other, “Did the tv just say central paw?”  In this day of modern technology you would think a computer would be able to interpret ‘Pa’ as Pennsylvania or at the very least, ‘PA’ but paw? Somewhow it is comforting to know that computers still have a little catching up to do.

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 We are still working on the bedroom remodel, (yes it is going to be a long drawn out process). We  removed some more molding pulled out the TV and TV cabinet, and no it’s not one of those sleek little flat screens,  oh no my friends it is one of those really heavy monster TV’s that is the exact opposite of flat so it has the bonus of being bulky as well as heavy. 

We removed the baseboards and cut a whole in the back of the cabinet to accommodate the socket in the wall and put up the wall paper like stuff to cover the paneling.  Now the wall looks great the TV cabinet sits further back into the corner and flush against the wall so it takes up a little less room and looks fantastic.

Still my wife and I worked as a team with no issues between us. Wait, there was one small issue.  The wallpaper is pre-glued but the glue has to be activated, so you cut a length you want, (in our case 7 ft long and the paper is 18 inches in width) and then run the paper through a trough of water, each part must be in the water for a good 15 seconds.  There are probably a variety of ways to execute this particular task but we have decided the, ‘Aching arms, sore back stretched out ham strings’ method works best for us. 

Allow me to explain, the trough is 18.5 inches long 3 inches in width and 4 inches deep.  So you can only wet 3 inches of wall paper at a time.  We have a bath sized walk in shower so the trough goes on the floor in the shower, my wife gets on one side and holds (at this point the bulk of the wallpaper) I’m on the other side of the trough bent in half placing the leading edge into the trough and we count 1 one thousand, thousand, 2 one thousand, thousand all the way up to 15 one thousand, thousand.  We found if you rush this step your stick ability to the wall is less than great.  Then I pull up the leading edge 3 inches and my wife hunches down in half and holds the next three inches in the trough and begins the count, then I raise the leading edge another three inches and so on for 7 foot length.  It is a slow process and halfway through my arms are getting tired because holding up wet wallpaper is not as easy as it may sound and 15 seconds multiplied by 7 feet is longer then you might expect. It is hard to ignore the pain in the back and thighs that creeps in as you remain in a bent position for an extended length of time.  

So, we are in position and everything is running smooth, we have about 5 feet of the paper good and wet and then it happens, my lovely wife who is still crouched over manages to head-butt the end of the paper I am holding up.  Did I mention that because you don’t want to ‘loose’ the glue you go through the process with the glue side face up in the water, which means that the non glue side is facing me and the glue side is, well you guessed it, facing my wife who now has glue hair.  Okay it may be that my arms were getting tired and I may have allowed a little slack in the paper and it could be the paper met the top of my wife’s head as she was leaning forward just a little. 

The best part is we were able to laugh.

We were able to laugh even though the future of my job is questionable.  We were able to laugh even though this is my wife’s busy season at work and they are understaffed and under a lot of strain.  We were able to laugh even though our room is in total upheaval. We were able to laugh even though this remodel is going to be a long drawn out process. We were able to laugh even though we have a few pets having some medical issues.

We are able to laugh, and there is nobody who I’d rather be laughing with.

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Today we started re-decorating our bedroom.  We are putting a new treatment on the walls its a really thick textured wall paper like product that covers up the existing paneling. Once we get it on the walls we will paint it and it should, in theory look like venetian plaster.  We are also  putting up crown molding and custom book cases.  I thought this project would give me some interesting blogging material.  So far, nada.  Everything is going smooth.  We took down some molding from around the closet door and ceiling and put up some of heavy-duty wall paper-like stuff in one corner of the room.   Even figuring out how to get the stuff around the window went smoothly.

It really sucks when my wife and I don’t argue enough in these ventures for good blogging material, but this is an ongoing project and this was day one, so I’ll keep you posted.

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My favourite teacher in high school Mrs B told us that every once in a while you have to ask yourself  “when you dig down and push all the crap out of the way, are you happy? ”  There is a difference between being happy, and being unhappy in your current circumstance.  If you are unhappy inside and you decide it is because of your spouse, so you kick your spouse out, you are still going to be unhappy.  It may be that in the road to happiness you may have to make those choices but if you don’t find a way to make changes within it is not going to matter what happens on the outside.  I was married once before and I certainly was not happy in the situation but I was still a happy person.  It got better once I was free but only because I was already in a good place on the inside.

As an aside, for me, I think the key is to let blame go, come to terms with whats going on take responsiblity for it and move on. 

I suffer from Crohn’s disease it is quite painful and affects everything I do, but it is a part of me now and I’m not sure what I would do without it.  I can say this because I have come to terms with Mr. Crohn and there is no other option.  When people find out and they know what it’s all about they always get the look and I get the “oh thats horrible what a dreadful disease” and yeah well it is.  But you know what else?  It’s all good in the hood, honestly there is a lot worse out there.  I could have Crohns and not be a happy person.  Not only would that be unbearable but I would be unbearable. (pause for the comments from the peanut gallery) 

You may be wondering what brings this on?  My parents recently celebrated their 51st Anniversary.  In this day and age, (can there be a day without an age?) that is a remarkable feat.  Or is it?  My folks have given me a lot I won’t speak for my siblings but I’m sure they would agree that we had/have it pretty darn good.  More than anything they have given me the ability to be happy.  To be able to laugh, laugh at life, laugh at myself, and yes to laugh at with others.  I look for the absurd and embrace it.  Mom, Dad don’t ever forget that I love you for it. 

So how the heck do they do it?  I think they can laugh with each other, not the surface laugh but the one inside, the laugh that counts.  I called them from Vancouver, they were in Montreal.  My mother picked up the phone and started to tell me a story, my father believed she was getting the story wrong and picked up the extension and started to correct her so they started arguing.  Finally I interrupted “Hey, I am going to hang up so you can argue on your own dime” The response? “You call this arguing,  we are not arguing, we’ll tell you when we are arguing”  they both  laughed.   Then there was the time when my Mother was trying to remember the name of a TV show she used to watch.  The conversation went like this:

Mom:  “Remember that show on TV?”   pregnant pause

Me:  “I think we will need a few more details”

Mom:  ” It was a western and it is not on TV anymore”

My brave wife chimes in: “Gunsmoke?”

Mom: “No not that old”

Me: “perhaps a few more details”

Mom “They wore cowboy hats, somebody got shot and they had horses”

Dad to us and my Mom, “She is talking about Dallas.”  There was no hesitation in his voice it wasn’t a question he just knew.  We laughed then, and we still laugh about it now.   I can write an encyclopedia of similar incidents and I am probably not aware of volumes more and through it all we still laughing.

So, is it really so amazing they are still together?

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