Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

The Mall

My wife’s cousin made the following statement on Facebook a few weeks ago:  “I am officially THAT guy who waits for his wife in the nail salon while his wife gets her eyebrows done.” I just had to laugh, is there anybody who has been married for any length of time who isn’t that guy?  

One day my wife, (not my current wife, my ex-wife) and I were perusing through the mall. She was shopping for who the heck knows what and as she headed into yet another store I found a bench.  The elderly gentleman who was already sitting there looked up from his paper as I sat down and we had the following conversation.

Mr X. “Welcome to the bench club”

Me: “Excuse me?”

X: “The MetroTown bench club, which store is she in?”

Me: (pointing) “I’m pretty sure that one over there.”

X: “my wife went in that one over there 2o minutes ago”

Me: “Twenty minutes?  I certainly hope she will show up soon.  My wife won’t take that long.”

X: (giving me an odd look) “If you say so, mine shouldn’t be much longer after all I’m holding her purse (he reached down and raised her purse a little so I could see it) and she will be needing it soon enough.”

Me: “So, you sit on the bench holding her purse reading the paper while your wife shops”

X: “Thats the truth of it son.  Mind you I started off just like you, sitting on the bench while she ran into the store…just for a minute eventually I learned to bring a paper to read. I’m not sure when I started holding the purse that just happens”

Me: (starting to look around for my wife and thinking, the last thing she said to me was, can you wait out here for me? I’ll only be a minute).

X: (grinning)  “Yes son, I was once like you thinking that it’s not going to happen to me.  Yet here I sit.”

A few minutes later my wife came out the store, and as I got up to leave Mr. X said to me, “Next time bring a paper, you will need it”

Well I’m not married to my ex anymore (which is why I refer to her as my ex). And my current wife likes to shop about as much as I do so I never find myself sitting on the bench waiting for her except for two weeks ago while she was having her hair done.

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Do you prepare? When I am cooking I need to be prepared.  I have to figure out what I am going to make, find the recipe make sure I have all the ingredients and then I follow the recipe to the letter.  I bought a cook book and only after I got it home did I realize it was published in Britain and most of the recipes called for things like a dash of salt and a knob of butter and a smidge of things.  My measuring tools do not measure in quantities of knobs and smidgens.  The book looks impressive sitting on the counter but it will never be used by me.  My wife on the other hand walks into the kitchen with an idea and magically knows what ingredients will go with others to make something good.  She will walk through the grocery store and pick up some new item and says, “This looks interesting I’m sure I can use this with something” and in the cart it goes.  In this case it was orange curd.  Two weeks later she was making a cheese cake and decided to throw in the orange curd.  It was one of the best cheese cakes I ever had. 

When we travel the rolls are reversed I want to hit the road and go.  My wife likes to plan, when we went to California she took out a map decided where we were going to stay and called and made reservations.  (we made the trip in 3 days) Admittedly if she had not done that there was a night in Moab where we would have been sleeping in the car.  When we were dating and I was living in Vancouver I would buy a plane ticket two weeks ahead of time.  My wife would be bugging me for weeks, she wants to get the tickets a month in advance.

while I follow a recipe for cooking, I had no plans for the dog house I hadn’t figured out what materials I would need I just started hammering stuff together and it all worked out.  My best friend and I built a deck on the side of his parents house, no plans just an idea a saw and wood.  Last time I was in Montreal (20 years later) that deck was still there.

When my wife and I play video games she reads the directions watches all the clips and follows the plot, I just jump in start killin’ stuff and hope for the best.  When putting items together such as dog kennels, entertainment centers and the like we both believe the instructions are just manufactures suggestions.  I find it odd how we respond to different situations in such different ways 

We were out to dinner last night with some friends and in the course of a story he told us at one time he was a scout leader immediately I went back over 25 years and recalled a story I hadn’t thought of in at least 15 years. 

While visiting a friend in Ontario, we decided to go camping on Big Bear Lake.  We packed up a bunch of stuff took the little boat out and found a chain of islands used by the boy scouts for camping purposes . We found one complete with an outhouse, (for those who suffer from Crohn’s disease bathrooms are always on the forefront of every thought).  Even though it was an island there are still bears and other scavengers so we put up the tent put all our food in a bag and hoisted it into a tree.  Mike decided to use the outhouse.  He was in there for a bit when I heard him calling. He needed the toilet paper.  I tore our luggage apart but I finally had to tell him that we didn’t have any.  “Check the bag with the food”  I unhooked the rope, lowered the bag knowing it was all in vain, sure enough no toilet paper.  There was a long pause after I informed him of the bad news but he finally responded, “Can you bring me my checkbook?”  Brilliant I thought, he we are on a tiny island in the middle of a huge lake and we forgot toilet paper but managed to bring a checkbook.   “Nice going Mike, you forget toilet paper but bring along your checkbook.  I really don’t think you are going to be able to buy any toilet paper out here.”  Mike, while an odd sort of fellow was very resourceful as he replied “I’m not going to write a check with it, I am however going to clean up my deposit”  Really didn’t need to know that but I did have to give him credit.  Good thing debit cards had not been invented yet or he would have never brought a check book. 

Unknown to us, sometime after we made camp a troop of boy scouts made camp on a nearby island and must have been paying attention. The next day we took the little boat to a nearby ‘town’ purchased some toilet paper and headed back to camp.  Imagine our surprise when we found 6 rolls of toilet paper stacked up in front of our tent complete with a note.  Always be prepared,  Boy Scouts of Canada.

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