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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Don't Worry, It will be okay!

Currently there are three Snapple bottles sitting on my desk.  Two empty one almost full.   For those of you who don’t know Snapple puts ‘interesting’ facts on the underside of the lid.  My three caps read:

Fact #912 Meteorologists claim they’re right 85% of the time. Personally I’d like to see some independent study in order to back of the claim. 

Fact #905 The side of a hammer is called a cheek.  Good to know, however in the odd time (probably never) I need to refer to the side of a hammer I’ll probably just avoid the confusion and call it, ‘The side of a hammer’.

Fact #879 Most Koala bears sleep about 22 hours a day.  Just one more reason to love, idolize and emulate Koala bears.

In other strange news the ‘weird news’ section of the CDT or Centre Daily Times ran a story from the associated press about a Dairy Princess who is lactose intolerant.   I too am lactose intolerant, which is probably a benefit of suffering from Crohn’s disease.  All I have to say is Go Princess!  And when the time comes, I hope to be at her inauguration when she becomes Queen.   I wonder if she will marry a vegan who has to eat meat.

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Doh

Some bits of wisdom I’ve picked up along the way.

1) One of the first times behind the ‘Perfect Magic’ counter at a magic convention I was performing an effect for a customer when two very prominent figures in magic walked up to watch, (Sid Loraine and Frank Garcia).  Suddenly I became a jumble of nerves.  Later Mr. Garcia found me sitting in the lobby and he said to me that I should never be nervous when performing in front of another magician.  “A true magician,” he said,” will always be there to help you. We are after all, a brotherhood.”  I try to remember this bit of wisdom when dealing with people in general.  I’ve got to tell you, I’m not always successful.

2) While I believe it is true that when you fall off a horse you have to get right back on, I am also old enough to realize that some horses are just not meant to be ridden.

3) Yes poop rolls downhill.  But really if you keep your eyes open you can usually step out of its way. Of course there is an equally good chance you are going to get poop in your eye.

4) Stay away from people who say they don’t like ‘drama’ in their lives as they are usually the ones with the most, and create the most drama, and can’t seem to function without it.

5) I’m more of a finesse type person.  I like to approach things slowly and delicately.  However I have learned that there is something to be said about the bull in the china shop approach.

6) I don’t like confrontation.  But you really cannot make a good omelet without breaking those eggs. 

7) The more I look for things to write about, the fewer things I find to write about.

8) Most of the time it is not about blame and it is not always about you.  So when something happens stop trying to come up with excuses as to why it is not your fault.  instead why not try to find resolution for the situation.  

9) There is an incredible amount of value in knowing when to shut your mouth and open your ears.

10) Even though Ghandi said it first, my wife, more that anyone has taught me through her actions, that you really do have to be the change you want to see in the world.

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Dispatcher Games

In my ‘Ideas For Blog’ there is a note that simply says ‘dispatcher games’  I know what the note refers to, as will you by the time this post is finished what I can’t figure out is what prompted this note in the first place, not that it really matters.

I started out as a dispatcher, as dispatchers  we mostly talked to technicians.  We made sure they had their jobs in order, and we helped them troubleshoot problems they had in the field.  What the technicians didn’t know is that we dispatchers played some interesting games to make our day that much more bearable. 

My favourite game was the ‘word’ game.  At the beginning of the day we would all write a few words on individual sheets of paper.  The papers were then thrown into a hat and we would each blindly choose a slip of paper.  We then had to use that word in a sentence while talking to the technician.  Of course the technician never knew we were playing a game.  They probably thought we were just a little crazy.  There were only a few rules, the main rule of course is that we had to be respectful of and to the customer.  We would never put a technician in an awkward situation.  A bit of experience, meaning a week or so on the job and you knew in the first few seconds of a conversation whether it was safe to play or not. 

A few examples of the words we used are: Australopithecus, meatballs, nutmeg, bifutus regularis, bigfoot, amniocentesus, neoteny, beens and weeines, etc.  Keep in mind these were technicians installing modems and digital boxes in peoples homes.  So a conversation might go something like this.

Tech: “Hello Bri, this is Dan tech 8433.”

Me: “Hello Dan what can I do for you today.”

“I’m at job 3 I’m having some issues getting the modem on line and the customer is here in front of me”.  This is the technicians code for ‘the customer can hear everything that is being said.

No problem Dan, can you give me the serial number and I’ll check to see if the modem is online on our end?”

“Sure thing Bri here you go”

“Okay Dan I can see the modem on our end. I see the modem is trying to get online, but keeps failing at a certain point.  The problem appears to be that the downstream signal level is deep in the red, perhaps you can try and give it some bifitus regularis and see if that clears up the signal issue?”

long pause from the techincian, on my side however the rest of the dispatchers are bent over in fits of laughter.

“…Uhm, thanks I’ll get that signal cleaned up and give you a call back'”

The lesson is, life is often what you make it, so you may as well work with the hand you are dealt and make it as enjoyable as possible.

 

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I have decided to jump on yet another band wagon.  The following are 12 random things about me you may not know, and may not wish to know.

1)      I don’t eat blue food!  Almost everyone knows this about me, what they may not know is that if the blue food happens to be the blue peanut butter M&M I will eat it.  Although I am not happy about it.

2)      I don’t like clowns, mimes or feet.  (That is three things, but I’ll count it as one seeing as it is a perfectly logical grouping).

3)      I cannot swim, although I am reasonably sure I am too stubborn to drown.

4)      I always thought that if I had too, I could get along with just about anybody, (even if I had to fake it) sadly, not long ago I was proven wrong. 

5)      I’m a non-practicing Jewish Canadian Magician.  (I don’t need to practice, I’m just that good).

6)      I am dyslexic and I spent a good part of my youth getting that taken care of. I worry that it may be coming bakc.

7)      This is a tough one to admit, I cry at least once per episode of “So You Think You Can Dance”

8)      I detest Jackie Paper for forgetting about Puff.  I don’t like any of Santa’s reindeers; they are a bunch of hypocritical, suck-up, ass-wipes.  They didn’t really love Rudolf. Notice how they only accepted him after Santa let him guide the sleigh that night. In my book that just isn’t good enough!

9)      While I am a team player, I don’t loose sight of the fact that there is a ‘me’ in ‘team’.

10)   I am always tired.

11)   You are going to piss me off, it is pretty much a fact of life.  Don’t worry I am sure you will get over it.

12)  I am sarcastic, stubborn and I’m going to take anything you say quite literally because I find that road to be much more fun. And no you don’t need to explain what you meant I know what you meant. I’m just having fun, my way!

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