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Archive for the ‘Lifes Observations’ Category

Brushin’ Husky

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on October 25, 2010| 6 Comments »

Who would have ever thought that getting a 60 pound wooly coated 10-year-old Husky a bath would be such an ordeal.  For years we had a regular groomer, twice a year Sequoia would go to this groomer at great expense and come back a clean, if not a little hoarse (yes she would howl the entire time).  However, the last time we went to make an appointment her groomer told us she was booked for the year.  Who the heck schedules a dog grooming session a year in advance?  So, it was time to find another solution.  We found another highly recommended groomer, but when we started asking around we heard some stories we didn’t like. Twice we heard that this groomer ended up shaving a dog without the owner’s permission.  Nope, not going there.

We decided we would try the ‘do-it-yourself’ dog wash.  However it was expensive, you were limited to 10 minute intervals and any way you approach it, it was going to be a lot of work.  It takes a groomer a good 3 hours minimum to wash, brush and dry Sequoia.  I dreaded the ordeal.

Nine years ago we took her to Petco where they did a horrible job.  We think they were afraid of her so they cut some corners.  But it had been nine years, and we have heard both good and bad things.  We found ourselves in Petco one Friday without the dog and we decided to check out the grooming service. We  asked our questions and gave them the scoop on Sequoia. We told them straight up what they were up against, a ten-year old, really strong, really dominant husky who was not afraid to get mouthy.   She was rescued from an abusive home and not socialized well and does not get along with other dogs.  She is really sweet but does not like to be fussed over and she cries when we leave her in a strange places (except when we left her with my sisters mother-in-law where she did beautifully, or so we were told). 

We got a goodish vibe, we met the groomer who takes care of the more challenging dogs and she seemed pretty confident.  We an appointment for Sunday at noon.   Saturday evening we decided to get a head start and brush her out as best we could.  Kind of like cleaning your home before the cleaning service people arrive.  And true to form we decided to clip her nails even though it was included in the cost.  We have a fool-proof method of achieving this event, I pin her down while my wife does the deed.  (I am pretty sure my parents will have something to say about this). Soon it was time to leave, I’m sure we were more nervous than Sequoia or the groomer.  When we left her at Petco we looked in the window where they trying to put her in the cage.  The groomer had Sequoia by the collar and Sequoia was doing the stubborn thing, meaning she was twisting around in her collar grabbing at the groomers hand while heading in any direction but the cage.  They got her in, we left the store. 

Three hours later my phone rings:

“Hello this is so-and-so from Petco, Sequoia is ready to go home, please pick her up.”

We got a full report from her groomer who looked a little beat up.  Sequoia it seems, can be quite the handful.  She escaped once and ran around the kennels like a crazy dog.  She took to the bath okay but she really didn’t like to be brushed.  Much to the groomers credit she did her best and told us quite frankly that she just couldn’t brush her out as well as she would have liked.   We assured her this wasn’t a problem, we could brush her out in small periods over time.  It was the bathing that was the problem for us.  I’m guessing Sequoia was not the hooligan she could have been as when we left the groomer gave me a slip of paper with the recommended time to get her groomed again complete with a 10% off coupon with her next visit.

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Things I actually like, Part 2

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations, tagged , on October 19, 2010| 1 Comment »

This is an addition to Things I Actually Like.  I decided to add to this list because somehow I hurt my hip, not a big deal, it’s not like the majority of my job is bending or lifting, or reaching oh wait, add counting and that is pretty much my job.  In any case when you have pain everything is more annoying than usual.  I don’t count my crohn’s as pain, okay I do but that is normal everyday, not out of the ordinary.  My point is that a little positivity doesn’t hurt…much.  And this excludes the obvious such as friends and family.

1.  I love it when my eyes open at four in the morning and realize I am heading into Sunday and not Monday.

2. I love it when I wake up feeling no pain.  On the odd occasion that does happen, first I have to convince myself that I am really awake, and once I’ve established that I am awake I have to establish the fact that I am alive.  However once I establish that I’m indeed awake, pain-free and alive and it is Saturday or Sunday it feels pretty darn good…makes it even better if there is a possibility of sex. (especially the one in the winter).

3. I love it when my wife says something funny and it takes me a moment to get it.  Like just this moment for example, the dog was begging for candy but we were not sure where the candy was so my wife says to the dog, “One second Sequoia and I’ll find your candy”  No, it is not candy for dogs, it is candy for people, for us, but suddenly it has become the dogs candy. It took me a minute to realize what my wife said.  Of course the candy is not enough, now the dog is licking what is left of my wife’s popsicle.  No, the dog is not spoiled.

4.  A job done well. Okay that just seems like something you are supposed to say.  I guess it depends on the job.  Sometimes I honestly don’t care. 

5. I love it when I get to ‘5’ on a list like this and can’t think of anything else to add to the list.

6. I love sarcasm, (see number 5)

7. I love the fall, and I love getting the leaves off my lawn before my anal retentive neighbour gets his cleared off,  (a rare occasion)  I once had a competition with one of the technicians I work with, we were competing to see who could mow the lawn the least.  I won, hands down.  

8. I love people who use the word ‘ignorant’ wrong.  Such as, “That guy was rude to me, how ignorant!”  I’m not sure why it amuses me, it just does.

9. I love when a meal is so good I get saddened when it starts to noticeably disappear from my plate.

10. I love when my dog is so content she rolls over onto her back, paws in the air and starts to snore.

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Bully On Board

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , , , on October 14, 2010| 8 Comments »

Seeing as Bullying is once again the hot topic I thought I would share my bullying experience.

Brody was in grade seven, for the second time around.  That in itself would not be bad, but he also spent two years in grade six.  He also tried to jump out of the second floor library window.  They should not have stopped him. 

I had known about Brody for a year or two before we came face to face.  Due to my dyslexia it was decided rather than repeating a grade  I would take remedial classes to make up for the classes I had missed while dealing with the dyslexia.  It was not a great idea, first, going to the remedial classes forced me to miss yet more classes.  Secondly, Brody was taking remedial classes, and that is how I became a large blip on his radar.

It wasn’t too bad a first.  I’d leave school and waiting for me at my bicycle would be Brody who would want to ‘borrow’ my bicycle. 

“Brian, unlock your bike I need to borrow it”

“Brody I can’t let you borrow it I need to go home”  At which point Brody would try to pick the lock and failing that he would threaten me, perhaps shove me around but eventually he would ‘give up’ and leave.   I fell for that once, he really didn’t leave, he hid in the bushes around the block and at the last second he would jump out from behind the bushes and throw me and my bicycle to the ground.  I soon learned that I could leave out the back door and go to my friend Roberts house for an hour or so, then go back to the school get my bike and head home.  For awhile I simply stopped bringing my bike to school, Shane, (another friend) was Brody’s other target.  Shane and I lived two houses apart, and we would walk about a mile out of our way so Brody could not follow us home. 

Andrew and I had identical bikes, Brody did not know the difference and would lay in wait near the bike thinking it was mine.  When he realized it was Andrew’s Brody would be so upset he would shove Andrew around.  Andrew also stopped bringing his bike to school.

Often times I would walk home with Brahm.  Brahm was rewarded for his friendship with me by getting a kick in the shin by Brody. Sorry Brahm, and thanks for sticking with me.

Eventually I told my mother about the situation.  She had my brother, (who was in high school) talk with Brody.  My brother spoke to the wrong guy.  That guy told Brody and my life became even more difficult.  I wish there was something I could type here that would help parents help their kids.  But I have no answers.  Thanks for trying mom, and Mike.  But seriously the situation only got worse. 

The odd thing about the situation is that Gail, Brody’s sister and I were pretty good friends, and my life may have been made easier if I had dissolved that friendship.  But I was far to stubborn for that kind of nonsense.  Gail and I had been in the same class and friends for three years before Brody started to target me, and until that time I didn’t even know they were brother and sister.

So, you may be wondering, how did it end?  Before I answer that I want to point out that the way it ended will not work for everyone. In fact I can’t really recommend it as a solution, but sometimes…

Anyone who knows me knows I am not a sports guy.  Sure I’ll watch the occasional hockey game on TV.  I used to play pool and darts.  Living next to Penn State you pretty much have to have at least a partial interest in football, or at least Penn State football.  But if it all went away tomorrow, it wouldn’t bother me in the least.

At lunch and recess we used to play hit the bat.  One person would be at bat and hit the ball,  if you catch the ball, the batter places the bat on the ground and the person who caught the ball would roll the ball towards the bat, if you hit the bat you became the batter.  (Naturally I played to lose seeing it wasn’t until high school when I could actually make a connection between the bat and the ball, it would have been a very long, dull game).  My father who was a terrific ball player and played on some sort of league had purchased a new glove and allowed me to borrow his old one.  In truth I think he gave me the glove, only I didn’t know it at the time, we will have to wait to see if he comments, I do know that later he did give me that glove, and I kept it for a very long time.  There is a part of me that wishes I still had it.

So what does all this have to do with Brody?  Be patient, I’m just waiting for the words to be typed.

Peter is at bat.  I am trying to look like I want to catch the ball along with a bunch of other guys.  Out of the corner of my eye I see Brody heading towards me.

“Brian!  Brian I want to play, give my your glove”  I knew if he got my glove, I would never get it back.

“I can’t it is my fathers, I can’t lend it out”

“Give me the glove now!”  In my 45 years I have only been absolutely sure of three or four things in life.  At that moment I knew one thing, Brody was not going to get that baseball glove.  “Brody, please, I can’t.”  At this point I was quickly scanning for a teacher, I knew this was not going well, a crowd of kids was starting to form.  Peter stepped in to try to resolve the situation,   “Brody…”  Brody punched Peter in the face and Peter went down like a sack of potatoes.  Remember, Brody was at least two years ahead of us.

“Give me the glove!”

“Brody, I can’t”

Brody came at me, and suddenly everything slowed down.  It was very surreal, he raised his fists and kept coming at me full tilt.  But for me it was like watching a movie in slow motion, I was aware of the crowd but in a very limited way.  I also saw the flaw in Brody’s approach,  as he came at me I ducked low, my shoulder caught him just below his ribs and he went up and over me and landed hard on his back behind me.  As I turned he started to get up, his eyes bulging, his face red.  He was saying things I couldn’t quite hear and he came at me again. The exact same way.  Again I ducked down, again he flipped over me, again he landed on his back, again I turned and again he started to yell things at me, but I looked in his eyes and I knew he was done, I also knew he just couldn’t give up but I prayed he would stay down of course he didn’t.  He almost made it to his feet but my knee got him in the chest, hard! Now Brody stayed down and he wasn’t yelling anymore, he was too busy gasping for breath.

I sat in the principals office.  Mr. Russell just peered at me from over the top of his glasses.  I don’t know how long we sat that way. I thought he had phoned my folks, I thought that is what we were waiting for.  I wondered how much trouble I was in.  Eventually in a very quiet calm voice Mr. Russell spoke to me.  “Brian” he said, “I’m sorry, you are not in trouble, go back to class”.

I didn’t see Brody for a few months.  In fact I never saw him again in school.  One winter day I was walking home with Anna who lived not far from me and Brody appeared from behind a snow bank.  Anna started to run but she was safe, Brody was after me.  He tackled me to the ground yanked off my hat and started pulling my hair.  “Now who is stronger?”  I clasped my hands above my head and then thrust my fists forward when my fists hit his head he let go of my hair, I hit him again making contact with his chest.  He flipped onto his side.  I rolled him onto his back and landed with my knees in his chest.  He was still lying there when Anna and I walked away. 

A few weeks later Gail told me that Brody was going to another school and was no longer living at home.   Spring eventually came.  School ended for the summer and I never saw Gail or Brody again.

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My Desk

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , on October 6, 2010| 6 Comments »

On another blog the author asked the people who follow her to send a picture of the place where they write.  I’m not sure why I found that interesting but I did.  Every now and again, during lunch I take a few minutes to write ideas for this blog.  Sometimes I end up writing an entire post, today is one of those days. Usually, however I blog while sitting on my recliner while watching tv.  My desk is an average desk, probably made in the early 60s.  It has a shallow front drawer which is full of pens and other implements of destruction.  On the right side are two drawers one of which is a filing cabinet which is seldom used, the other is another shallow drawer full of, paper clips, bull dog clips, a calculator, push pins and other thing-a-ma-bobs.  The left side is the exciting side.  Three drawers, my keys and wallet in the top, and I have not opened the others for a month.  Perhaps I should hold a ‘guess what is in my desk’ contest.   Off to the left is the desk top computer followed by the phone that I never use as I use my cell phone, in front of the phone are various papers, on the papers is a ruler and tabs for some dividers to sort out a file cabinet that I sadly do not use.  Two modems that need mailed out to another warehouse, an old-fashioned stapler and a cup of pens. Beside all that is my personal cell phone, my iPod, a wrench, modern stapler, a marker, directly beside me still to my left is a blue coffee cup, (The floor broke my company issued red coffee cup when I dropped it) a speaker for my computer a pad of post-it-notes atop a miniature pallet.  Beside that: a receiving stamp a sponge baseball and eyeball a staple remover and two more markers. Moving to the right, is the other speaker, a remote for the tv that we don’t have, a guy sitting on a toilet holding a roll of tape, (supposed to be toilet paper), a box containing extra keys for the van, box-truck, tech window and back gate, more paperwork. There is a bottle of diet Pepsi, more paperwork, a scissors that doesn’t belong to me…yet, my computer mouse and there is a piece of paper under my keyboard which I’m sure I put there because it is important, but I can’t remember why.

My desk at work

For those of you who might be wondering.  The space directly across from me is my supervisors desk.  unfortunately I only got a portion of my desk in the shot.  My lunch hour was running down so I didn’t have a lot of time to play around.   

So? What is on your desk?

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Just Stuff I’m working On

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on October 4, 2010| 3 Comments »

Okay I really don’t have a post for tonight. Sue me, so I figured I would give a glimpse of some things I’ve been working on:

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I thought I had a friend. No I did have a friend. But he is a friend no more. Just like that in the blink of an eye, the friendship we had been building is just gone. I would like to think he is a good person who did a bad thing. But that would be a lie. I do manage to smile…when I remember that for certain crimes there is no statute of limitations….

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At dinner tonight the waiter had a diamond in his tooth. The problem is he had really bad teeth, one was chipped, the other was green, another was crooked, and one had the diamond. Wouldn’t you think if you were going to the trouble to have a diamond put into your tooth, you would first have the rest fixed?…

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When my wife and I finally adopted Sequoia I phoned my mother to tell her the news. After a long pause she said, “The problem is, they die.” Seven years later as I watch my dog getting older…

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The question is, where will you be Ten years from now? Well, ten years ago I was in the process of moving from Vancouver Canada to Pennsylvania in the United States. Ten years before that I was in the process of moving from Montreal to Vancouver. Right now, on these anniversary’s I am happy to say that I am staying put. Ten years from now…

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A few years ago my wife and I were watching a movie, outside there was a horrible commotion. It turned out to be a woodpecker trying to get its chick to leave the nest. While we never did see the fledgling fly we did manage to capture the following…

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I don’t like olives! I don’t believe we were meant to eat coconuts. Seriously they hang from the very top of a tree with no branches and they are hard to open. Who even thought of eating them? I imagine the first person saw a monkey eating them and figured, ‘why not?” It would have been easier to eat the monkey…

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Who knows, maybe one or two will actually see the printed page. In the mean time, thanks for reading.

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Mouse In The House, Follow Up.

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , , on September 30, 2010| 1 Comment »

If you have not done so, read Mouse In The House before you continue reading this.

For those of you with weak stomachs, you may not want to look at the picture that follows.  Obviously one of our crew caught the mouse…ate the mouse, and then threw it back up.  Hey at least it was not on the bed.  It was out in the open and not behind a piece of furniture where it would start to smell. 

For those of you paying attention here is what we found when we got home today

 

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Mouse, In The House

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on September 30, 2010| 1 Comment »

6:15am, I had just gotten back from walking the dog for the second time that morning. My wife informed me that she thinks there is a mouse in the room.  Four of the six cats were staring intently in one particular spot under the desk, always a sure sign that something is going on.  I took my shower and headed back to my side of the bed.  On the way Floyd attacked Gumdrop.   I nabbed Gummers as she flew passed me and put her on the bed, hoping to give her some relief from the usually laid back Floyd. “SHE HAS A MOUSE!”  says my wife.  Seeing as I was holding her from behind and she does have a ‘wide load’ I leaned over her back and sure enough she has a wiggling mouse hanging out of her mouth.

I got a good hold on her and moved her to the floor and held her while trying to figure out my next move.  Immediately the two largest cats began to circle like land sharks.  My wife suggested that I move Gummers along with her prize into the bathroom and close the door. Good idea, as it will avoid a fight over the mouse, and keep the mouse contained in the off chance that it gets away.  Less than a foot away from the door Gumdrop dropped the mouse!

When we left the house the cats were still under the bed looking for the mouse.  I’m a little afraid of what awaits us when we get home tonight.  I’m seriously hoping we don’t find mouse innards on the bed…again.

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I’m A Lumber Jack And I’m Okay

Posted in Lifes Observations, tagged , , on September 29, 2010| 3 Comments »

Penn State University was having a one day sale on Fir trees. My wife and I decided to purchase three Canaan firs. Yes we live on 11 wooded acres, but that doesn’t mean the trees are all where we want them. At the very top of our driveway there are five dead trees and we decided we could cut down the dead and dying and plant new ones.

I asked, okay my wife asked my neighbour if he would help, and as always John was more than willing. So there the two of us were, chain saw in hand looking up at the trees trying to figure out how tall they were, and how to cut them so they wouldn’t fall on the power line or the well head for John’s house, or the houses themselves. After very careful geometric planning using the contours of the ground, the wedge shape we would cut out of the tree and the velocity of the wind, John and I came to the conclusion that the trees, undoubtedly would fall down. For one tree John suggested we use a rope to pull the tree in the direction we needed it to fall. Of course that would mean one of us would be pulling the tree towards us…interesting. As I was getting ready for the first cut John was trying to figure out if the term ‘widomaker’ referred to the instance where the tree kicks back taking out the logger while on the forest floor, or if the term refers to when the logger is actually in the tree and the kickback knocks the logger out of the tree. I was trying to puzzle out why it mattered, either way the probability of survival seemed pretty slim, hence the term ‘widowmaker’.

A few thoughts came to mind as the wood chips started to fly:

1) We should probably be video taping the project so we would have something to show on America’s funniest video’s.

2) I really hope the insurance was paid up.

3) This is probably not the smartest idea I’ve ever had seeing that John’s expertise on the subject came from lying on the living room sofa watching ‘Axemen’, his favourite character being some guy named ‘Swamp Dog’. My expertise came from the school of, ‘I am way to cheap to hire somebody to remove and clean up these trees’.

The trees came down and to our amazement nobody was hurt and no property was damaged. I spent the rest of the day cutting tree limbs from the trunk and reducing the trunks to manageable sizes. There are a few logs and one nest of branches still atop the driveway waiting to be cleaned up but other than that the day was a success. Unfortunately and mainly due to weather the new trees are still in their pots awaiting a permanent home in the ground. I’m pretty sure even swamp dog would have been proud.

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So, You Had A Bad Day.

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations, State College, tagged , , , on September 28, 2010| 2 Comments »

This should probably have been titled Street Urchins Part Four, but it is not. It is titled, So You Had a Bad Day.

Saturdays at the bank were particularly slow, as a result we had one desk person (who takes on a supervisory role) and two tellers.  Check cashing at the bank was very strict, we had to be connected to the person cashing the check or the check itself, meaning the check either had to be drawn on the bank from an account in good standing, or the person had to be a customer in good standing.  The following happened on a Saturday and started about 11:30 and lasted an agonizing 20 minutes.

 The Painter:

I have decided to leave out the colorful swearing that the Painter liberally infused in his speech.  Suffice it to say that every second word was not pleasant.  He was loud, he smelled and his breath was horrific.

The painter handed me the check he wanted cashed.  The second thing I noticed about the check was that it was not drawn on our bank; The first thing I noticed was that it was written in crayon:

 “Sir,” I asked, knowing the answer, ‘Do you happen to have an account with us?”

“No, but you have to cash this check”

 ‘Sir, I am very sorry but I cannot cash this check…”

“You have to THIS IS AMERICA”

Obviously he knew by my ever present Canadian accent that I was not from America.

“Sir, please let me explain the probl…”

“THIS IS AMERICA! You have to cash my check, I worked for it, I deserve it that money belongs to me!  You cash it right now!”

“Sir I…”

“You cash the check! Are you an idiot? What don’t you understand?”

Here I have to point out, bank tellers don’t make a lot of money, certainly not enough to tolerate abuse.

“listen to me for jus…”

“American Money!  This is legal tender it is as good as cash, now cash the check now”

“Sir, if you interrupt me again I’m calling the police, plain and simple, a check is not as good as cash, the only thing as good as cash is cash,  it is not legal tender it is a check.  Legal documents such as a check must be signed in ink not crayon.  I can’t make out the signature, the check is not from our bank, and you are not a customer here….”

“I worked for that, hard-earned money!”

“I understand, I suggest you go back to the employer and get cash, or a check drawn fro…”

“Why?  Just cash my check now”

At this point the desk person, Kim, had come up behind the teller line and was standing at the teller window next to mine, phone in hand, giving me the questioning look.

“Sir, it is enough, one of two things are going to happen, you are either going to leave on your own, or I’m calling the police.”

“Why can’t you cash it? You can cash it, you have to cash it, it is the law”

“Sir, I have tried to explain why, and you keep interrupting, you can explain the law to the police when they arrive.”

At which point he glanced over at Kim who started to dial.  For some odd reason he decided to show Kim and I his middle finger, and if you ask me there was nothing special about his finger, except it had paint on it.  And with that, he left the bank.

The following Monday he walked back into the bank and waited for me to finish with my customer. As he walked over I picked up the phone.  It was Monday, Monday’s are my, ‘I don’t have any patience for crap’ days, (so are Tuesday through Friday):

“Sorry about Saturday it was a bad day and I wasn’t thinking.” 

“Yeah, we all have ’em.” I never did see him again.

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Street Urchins Part 3

Posted in humour, Lifes Observations, tagged , , , on September 26, 2010| 1 Comment »

I will not forget my first encounter with David. I had been working at the bank for a precious few weeks. Out of the corner of my eye I spied him standing at the door.  David is a little over six feet tall, about two hundred pounds, he has a pocked marked face brown eyes and short greasy black hair. I know all this because as I watched him I figured I had better cement a description of him in my head so I didn’t look like an idiot in front of the police when they asked me for a description.  he seemed to be looking at us, the cameras, the windows, his toes were lined up at the threshold of the door and he stood absolutely rigid. When David finally entered the bank the lobby was almost empty. I looked around to see which of the other four tellers was going to help him. Imagine my lack of surprise when I saw that all of my co-workers had magically vanished!

Okay, so it was throw the new guy to the wolves day. David walked over to my window and proceeded to re-arrange the must have teller paraphernalia, the deposit slips had to be in a perfectly squared pile. The pile had to be two finger widths from the edge of the counter and two finger widths from the edge of the wall and yes he used his fingers to measure. The chain on the bank pen had to be just so, the pen itself had to be lined up along the deposit tickets. All of this was done repeatedly and in silence.

Finally he reached into his pocket and removed his wallet.  He held it up to his face, right up to his large nose.  He opened the money part just a fraction, just enough so he could peer in with one eye, then he closed the wallet and put it back in his pocket.  “May I help you?” He looked at me and removed his wallet again, peered inside it again.  Put it back in his pocket and re-arranged my deposit slips…again. He looked over at my coin tray,  “Do you have any Sacagawea dollars?”  understand he is looking at them in my coin tray, “Yes, looks like I have about eight dollars worth do you want them?”  Once again he reaches into his pocket and repeats the wallet ritual several times.  “May I see them?”  I spread them out on the table.  He carefully looks them over, but does not touch them. “What dates are those two?”  I turn them over so he can see the dates.  He goes back to his wallet ritual.  I look around for some help and I see the tellers have drifted back to their stations and they all had huge grins. 

He leaned in a little, looked around the bank.  “My name is David, but please don’t say my name out loud. I have an account here.  I also have a safe deposit box here.” 

“Okay, Da..sorry, Sir so what is it I can help you with today?”  Back to the wallet ritual.  “Can I have two dollar bills, four quarters and those two Sacagawea dollars? I have a five dollar bill in my wallet.”

“Of course you may, I start to gather the money while he starts his wallet ritual.  Lucky for me I adhere to bank policy, all my bills are face up and in the same direction.  I think David would have had a heart attack had I given him the bills any other way.  Finally he removes the five dollar bill.  I happen to notice it is the only bill in his wallet.  Now that it is out David has to check it repeatedly.  He held it up to the light, front and back, checked it at different angles, he checked to make sure it was indeed only one bill over and over.  He smiled almost shyly as he handed over the five and gathered his coins.  Interestingly, he didn’t even look at the money I gave him.

He leans in again, points to my coin tray, “Is that a half-dollar?” 

Now I have to admit there are times I do things or say things that I’m wishing I hadn’t done while I am still doing it.  And for some reason, perhaps nerves, perhaps a coping mechanism but looking at that half dollar with David standing in front of me I lost control.

“Yes, but I should let you know that it is a magic half dollar'”

“Magic?”

“Yes”

long pause while he is thinking this through.  Over the course of the next five years there would be many such pauses during conversations between David and Myself, sometimes to the point where he had to go sit down for a few minutes while he processed information.

“Magic, how?”

I picked up the coin with one hand and placed it in the other and closed my fingers around the coin.  I looked at David and slowly opened my fingers I watched his face as I opened my fist revealing that the half dollar had changed into a quarter.  And like Braveheart from a few years ealier there was no reaction.  None.  I patiently waited him out.

“That is just a trick, right?”

“Yes”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“Can I see the quarter?”  And once again I don’t know what came over me.  I picked up the coin and handed it to him.  But when he held out his hand to recieve the quarter, it vanished completely.  

“Is that also a magic trick?”

“Yes”

“You are sure?”

“Yes”

“Where is the quarter?”

“Right here” Reaching into the air with an empty hand and producing the quarter at my finger tips. “And the half dollar is right here” Tossing the quarter into my hand, closing my fingers around it, and when I open them the quarter has changed back to the original dollar coin.

I’ve done this a zillion times to people, before David and after David, but to Davids credit he earned my respect in his next move, he did something nobody had ever done before and have not done since.  He reached into his pocket and counted the change I had given him earlier.  He looked up at me and smiled.

“I like you”

“Thanks your alright yourself”

“See you next time”

Much to the relief of everybody in the bank David became my customer.  I spent five years at that bank, and I think it is David I miss the most.

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