PanningForGold

As some of you know, because you were there, I was at the dentist again.  Upon entering the lobby the receptionist was busy with another person so I just sat down at which time the receptionist said, “Brian, I’ll let the dentist know you are here”.  The other person turns around and says, “Well we could have just rode in together”  by coincidence it was a friend of mine who is also having work done, also I am told by his wife that he is just as much afraid of the dentist as I am, but like me eventually pain rules and something had to be done.  Just as Chad, not his real name, (okay it is) sat down and I was about to start a conversation another lady comes into the lobby who I did not know and comments on the strange weather we were having.  Ignoring my first rule of all things social (do not make eye contact) I went straight to ignoring my second rule of all things social (do not engage).  Breaking both rules I looked at the lady, smiled and nodded.  She commented again on how warm it was and I responded, “yup”.  She then started a conversation with me that went something like this.

Weirdo:  I like you, you know why?

Me: No.

Weirdo: Because you didn’t ask me where I’m from.  Everybody always asks me where I’m from and I don’t understand why.  Why do they assume I am from somewhere else, I don’t have an accent.  I spent a little time in the south so maybe my vowels are extended but not obviously so.

At this point I will point out that this lady was easily in her 70’s and had a pretty thick accent, I thought perhaps Ukrainian and it turned out to be Polish. So I just sort of shrugged. I was just about to open my mouth to speak to Chad when she pipes up again.

Weirdo:  I don’t use Novocain or any drugs when I’m at the dentist

Me: Raised eyebrows

Weirdo:  I use self hypnosis, and once I am properly relaxed I press hard on my pinky.  If they are working on the left side I press on my right pinky until it hurts, but it doesn’t really hurt because I am in a very relaxed state and pressing on the pinky takes away the pain.

Me:  I’ll take whatever drugs they give me.

Weirdo: I don’t like State College very much there is nothing to do.  When I lived in Virginia there was so much I could do, go to the movies, see plays, go out and eat, see the gardens.

Me:  I like it here.  By the way, everything she mentioned, you can do in State College there is plenty of movies, restaurants, theatre’s, concerts.  But I wasn’t about to argue.

At this point Donna, Chad’s wife came out of the examining room, she seemed to be quite proud that I was at the dentist on my own like a big boy.  We laughed, She texted my wife and then the weirdo interrupted us and asked me.

Weirdo: Are you going to vote for Obama?

Me: No

Weirdo: Why not?

Me: I’m Canadian

Weirdo:  Do people kill themselves in Canada?

Me: What?

Weirdo: Do they kill themselves? I bet there are a lot of suicides because of all the rain.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t wait to see the dentist. Anything to get out of that waiting room, remember my friend Chad?  He was of no help. I started to wonder, if I pressed on my pinky finger, would she go away?

Me: I guess it is like everywhere else. 

Weirdo:  I bet a lot of people kill themselves.  So do you like Obama?

Me: Never met him.

At this point a soldier walked into the room the conversation quickly changed.

Weirdo:  War is such a horrible thing.  Poland has always been occupied either the Russians or the French or the Germans always war.  And now war is so much worse I hate to think about it.

Me: Yup, not pleasant, it never was. 

At this point the hygienist came in and saved me, “Brian we are ready for you now”

I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast from the waiting room to the dentist’s chair.