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Posts Tagged ‘toilet paper’

It is hard enough finding motivation to write.  So it is really frustrating when I want to write and cannot come up with a topic.  That said, here are some random thoughts buzzing around in my head.

Who decided the current toilet paper roll dimensions? Was there some sort of committee?  I’m not complaining, they did an excellent job, I’m just curious as to how it all came about.

The original Smurfs, there were 100 of them and only three are women. Makes you wonder what goes on in those mushroom shaped houses.

In the chilrdens’ rhyme “This Little Piggy” You know, the one usually counted out on an infant’s toes?   The rhyme starts out ‘This little piggy went to market’.  Only recently I learned that first piggy did not go shopping!  I’m still trying to ‘process’.

Elves, can we come to some sort of agreement?  Are they beautiful mystical creatures that strive for a peaceful way of life but when pushed become fearsome protective warriors?  Or are they pudgy little bumbling toy and cookie makers?  Seems the closest we can all agree on is they have pointy ears.

I am 52 years old, I have been listening to Meatloaf for the majority of my life.  I’ve finally figured out what all three things are in Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.  Yes, sometimes I am a little slow.

Speaking of Lyrics:

“And she was blinded by the light, oh cut loose like a deuce another runner in the night….”

I am settling this for once and for all.  In New Jersey, the home town of Bruce Springsteen ‘Cut loose like a deuce’ refers to a break up.  So she broke up with her boyfriend and ran home.  I understand that the lyrics were changed by another,  to revved up like a deuce, so everyone thought the lyrics referred to the Ford Deuce Coupe. By everyone I’m referring to the 0.2 percent of the listening population who understood the lyrics unlike the rest of us who thought he was calling somebody a douche.

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One would think that having Crohn’s disease I would not have so many issues with bathrooms.  I envy people who can just walk into a public bathroom do their business and move on.  I’ve talked with other Crohn’s sufferers and they don’t seem to care too much about bathrooms.  Sure they can tell you where each public bathroom is in a 50 mile radius of where they live but at the end of the day they all say the same thing, ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go’ and let us not forget, ‘better out than in’.

Me?  I have rules!  The door must have a working lock.  Preferably the room must be clean.  There should be nobody else in there when I enter, and yes I wait in the safety of the stall till the room is clear before I leave.  It is a real bonus if it is one of those rare bathrooms where only one person can use it at a time.  If the bathroom doesn’t pass my inspection, I live with the pain.

Many moons ago I was in a restaurant with my brother.  He went to the bathroom a few moments passed and some guy came out rather hurriedly cradling his arm.  Sure enough when my brother got back to the table he told me he was sitting there when a hand came in under the stall, naturally he gave the hand a good kick.  I would have done the same.

In Vancouver they have a wonderful bathroom, (sarcasm) the nearest I can figure is that they had to make it wheelchair accessible, they did this by making a really large door in the stall.  So big that when you opened the door it hit the toilet seat, in order to use the toilet you had to squeeze between the wall and the toilet, then straddle the toilet and only then could you close the door, to leave the stall you had to do everything in reverse and believe me it is more complicated than it sounds.  Wheelchair accessible my arse.

I’ll end this post with a suggestion to those who maintain public toilets.  If you think you are going to save money by finding the thinnest, roughest one ply paper that can possibly be made you will fail.  I am on a personal mission to use at least 8 times as much toilet paper and then when I’m satisfied and the toilet is flushed I’ll pull a few more squares off the roll and toss them in the trash just to make a point.  So go ahead purchase that cheapo toilet paper but its going to cost you in the end.

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