Posts Tagged ‘bathrooms’

The other day I was in the bathroom at work and I noticed a strobe light attached to the fire alarm.  I had to laugh.  First off, if the alarm goes off and I’m in the middle of…’delivering the mail’ the fire is simply going to have to wait, it is that simple.  Secondly if there is a fire do you really want a strobe light going off?   I think that would be a little distracting.  Imagine if you will, flames a leaping, smoke billowing, fire alarms screaming in your ear, you drop to the ground looking for a way out, but now not only are you hot and choking and in fear for your life, you have no idea where you are going because the strobe light is assaulting your senses.  How does that make sense?

Speaking of assault on ones senses I am seeking words that people believe are degrading but in truth they are not.  Admittedly there are a handful of words that are actually degrading, however most of the time it is all in the context in which one is speaking.  I’ve been thinking about this for sometime because not overly long ago a friend of mine posted on Facebook on how we should not use the word ‘retarded’ because it is degrading.   I took offence to this.  Retarded simply means that there is a developmental delay.  The diagnosis for mental retardation is when ones IQ is below 70.  Wikipedia does classify the word ‘retard’ as offensive of course anybody can put just about anything in good ole’ Wiki and others will swear it is the gospel.  I often call some of my best friends ‘retarded’ when they do something that isn’t always the brightest thing in the world to do, many times I don’t even have to tell them because two minutes after they do what they did they will often proclaim, ‘oh man! I’m such a retard’.  Now yes that can be seen as degrading but it is also meant with love and affection and it is in context.  No friend of mine would ever go up to a person who actually has such issues and call them a ‘retard’ because that is offensive.  So hate me or think me insensitive if you will, but retarded stays in my vocabulary.  It is up to you to be smart enough to put the word into the context in which it is meant.

The word ‘ignorant’ is another good example.  My loyal followers have heard this from me before.  Ignorant only means lacking knowledge.  Ignorant does not mean ‘rude’.  Somebody who offends you is not necessarily ignorant.  More than likely, they are offensive.  Somebody who is rude is not necessarily ignorant, they are probably just rude.  You know who is ignorant? The people who repeatedly use the word, ‘ignorant’ in describing somebody who is rude, even after I’ve explained to them what ignorant means, those people are ignorant or possibly just stupid.   

Bastard, I do enjoy the word ‘bastard’ I’m not sure why I don’t often use it in reference to people.  Really I don’t care if your parents were not married when they had you.  Heck I don’t even care if you were a test tube baby. Usually I use it in reference to objects such as computers of course computers are usually rat bastards.  I don’t think rats can even be bastards since marriage is an exclusively human concept, but the words go together well.

Stringing all these words together as in, listen here you ignorant rat bastard retard…’ that I can see as offensive, in just about any context.

Of course you could soften the blow with the placement of the word ‘honey’ let us try it shall we?  Listen here honey you are an ignorant retarded rat bastard!    Yeah that makes it so much better.  It is all about context.  Of course just about any sentence that starts with, ‘listen here honey…’ is not going to end well.

I also like the word ‘moron’ unfortunately moron is offensive. The definition of moron is that which describes somebody with mild retardation.  It is odd that the word is offensive but the definition is not.  Offensive or not, I’m sticking with moron. 

I think that ends this post. Uh Oh, listen up honey I think some moronic, rat bastard, ignorant retard set off the fire alarm.

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One would think that having Crohn’s disease I would not have so many issues with bathrooms.  I envy people who can just walk into a public bathroom do their business and move on.  I’ve talked with other Crohn’s sufferers and they don’t seem to care too much about bathrooms.  Sure they can tell you where each public bathroom is in a 50 mile radius of where they live but at the end of the day they all say the same thing, ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go’ and let us not forget, ‘better out than in’.

Me?  I have rules!  The door must have a working lock.  Preferably the room must be clean.  There should be nobody else in there when I enter, and yes I wait in the safety of the stall till the room is clear before I leave.  It is a real bonus if it is one of those rare bathrooms where only one person can use it at a time.  If the bathroom doesn’t pass my inspection, I live with the pain.

Many moons ago I was in a restaurant with my brother.  He went to the bathroom a few moments passed and some guy came out rather hurriedly cradling his arm.  Sure enough when my brother got back to the table he told me he was sitting there when a hand came in under the stall, naturally he gave the hand a good kick.  I would have done the same.

In Vancouver they have a wonderful bathroom, (sarcasm) the nearest I can figure is that they had to make it wheelchair accessible, they did this by making a really large door in the stall.  So big that when you opened the door it hit the toilet seat, in order to use the toilet you had to squeeze between the wall and the toilet, then straddle the toilet and only then could you close the door, to leave the stall you had to do everything in reverse and believe me it is more complicated than it sounds.  Wheelchair accessible my arse.

I’ll end this post with a suggestion to those who maintain public toilets.  If you think you are going to save money by finding the thinnest, roughest one ply paper that can possibly be made you will fail.  I am on a personal mission to use at least 8 times as much toilet paper and then when I’m satisfied and the toilet is flushed I’ll pull a few more squares off the roll and toss them in the trash just to make a point.  So go ahead purchase that cheapo toilet paper but its going to cost you in the end.

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