My favourite teacher in high school Mrs B told us that every once in a while you have to ask yourself “when you dig down and push all the crap out of the way, are you happy? ” There is a difference between being happy, and being unhappy in your current circumstance. If you are unhappy inside and you decide it is because of your spouse, so you kick your spouse out, you are still going to be unhappy. It may be that in the road to happiness you may have to make those choices but if you don’t find a way to make changes within it is not going to matter what happens on the outside. I was married once before and I certainly was not happy in the situation but I was still a happy person. It got better once I was free but only because I was already in a good place on the inside.
As an aside, for me, I think the key is to let blame go, come to terms with whats going on take responsiblity for it and move on.
I suffer from Crohn’s disease it is quite painful and affects everything I do, but it is a part of me now and I’m not sure what I would do without it. I can say this because I have come to terms with Mr. Crohn and there is no other option. When people find out and they know what it’s all about they always get the look and I get the “oh thats horrible what a dreadful disease” and yeah well it is. But you know what else? It’s all good in the hood, honestly there is a lot worse out there. I could have Crohns and not be a happy person. Not only would that be unbearable but I would be unbearable. (pause for the comments from the peanut gallery)
You may be wondering what brings this on? My parents recently celebrated their 51st Anniversary. In this day and age, (can there be a day without an age?) that is a remarkable feat. Or is it? My folks have given me a lot I won’t speak for my siblings but I’m sure they would agree that we had/have it pretty darn good. More than anything they have given me the ability to be happy. To be able to laugh, laugh at life, laugh at myself, and yes to laugh at with others. I look for the absurd and embrace it. Mom, Dad don’t ever forget that I love you for it.
So how the heck do they do it? I think they can laugh with each other, not the surface laugh but the one inside, the laugh that counts. I called them from Vancouver, they were in Montreal. My mother picked up the phone and started to tell me a story, my father believed she was getting the story wrong and picked up the extension and started to correct her so they started arguing. Finally I interrupted “Hey, I am going to hang up so you can argue on your own dime” The response? “You call this arguing, we are not arguing, we’ll tell you when we are arguing” they both laughed. Then there was the time when my Mother was trying to remember the name of a TV show she used to watch. The conversation went like this:
Mom: “Remember that show on TV?” pregnant pause
Me: “I think we will need a few more details”
Mom: ” It was a western and it is not on TV anymore”
My brave wife chimes in: “Gunsmoke?”
Mom: “No not that old”
Me: “perhaps a few more details”
Mom “They wore cowboy hats, somebody got shot and they had horses”
Dad to us and my Mom, “She is talking about Dallas.” There was no hesitation in his voice it wasn’t a question he just knew. We laughed then, and we still laugh about it now. I can write an encyclopedia of similar incidents and I am probably not aware of volumes more and through it all we still laughing.
So, is it really so amazing they are still together?
PanningForGold 