Archive for June 30th, 2011

Things that drive me crazy:

I was sitting at a stoplight in the right hand lane.  I have two possibilities, I can go straight, or I can turn right.  The van beside me was in the left hand lane which means they have the option of going straight or turning left.  I’m minding my own business when the driver honks her horn.  I casually look over, and using a form of sign language she communicates to me that when the light turns green she is going to pull in front of me and turn right.  I smile and shake my head ‘no’.  She looks at me with her big eyes and nods her head vigorously that she needs to turn right.  I shrug and point behind me indicating that if she needed to turn right then she should be in the right line behind me and not in the left.  She rolls down her window and starts to say something to me.  I smile and shake my head ‘no’.  She starts a new kind of sign language that involves an ugly face and one finger, and lots of words coming out of her lips that thankfully I cannot hear.  The light turns green and she starts to pull ahead of me.  But she isn’t fast enough, the car behind me doesn’t let her in either.  I grin and travel on down the road. 

I’m not the one who got into the wrong lane. I’m not the one who wants to break the law.  I’m not the one who wants to hold up morning rush hour traffic.  Yet it seems from her gestures that I am somehow the bad guy.

I’m getting off an exit ramp and merging into traffic that is not moving.  Everybody is doing the right thing.  One car goes, the other merges, next car goes, next car merges.  Yet three cars behind me the driver does not wish to wait his turn and merge.  No, he is special.  He thinks it is okay to fly past all the other cars and then merge as the road disapears into one lane.  Then he gets upset with me when I don’t let him merge in front of me. 

For the love of all things, do not speed past me, cut in front of me and then slow down.   

By all means turn on your turn signal after you have already changed lanes.

Better yet don’t turn on your turn signal, but by all means slow way the hell down to make a turn without any warning.

Even better, I know you see me trying to make a left hand turn out of the gas station.  I wait because you are moving pretty fast.  Can you tell me why you wait till the last possible minute to turn on your turn signal?  Seriously I could have gone had I known that.  Thanks moron.

Don’t get upset with me when I fly past you at 70 miles an hour and toot my horn and scare the crap out of you because you are too busy texting and driving to realize you are slowly crossing into the passing lane doing 50 miles an hour in a 65 mile an hour speed zone, and had no idea I was there.

In fact don’t get upset with me when I toot my horn to scare the crap out of you because I look over and you are trying to drive and text at the same time.  If you had been driving and paying attention I wouldn’t have to scare the crap out of you in the first place.

When I look in the rear view mirror and you are putting on your makeup while sucking on my exhaust pipe all I really want to do is slam on my breaks.

Go ahead and tailgate me while I’m doing the speed limit or faster.  Depending on my mood I’ll probably go even slower.

If nothing else I ask two things:

A) Learn to use your turn signals.

B) Learn to merge!  I’m talking to you Pennsylvanians.  The people on the highway have the right of way, we don’t have to move over for you to merge.  You are the one that has to do the merging.  And while I am at it.  Don’t stop on the highway to let people in.  You only think you are being nice.  But have you given a thought to the people who have to come to a stop behind you.  It is a highway for crying out loud!

Stepping of my soap box now.

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