PanningForGold

A few years back I bought a belt.  After the purchase I realized the belt came with a secret ninja type bottle opener.  Can you imagine my excitement?  If you can, just let me know in the comments below!  Anyway, I was incredibly excited that I purchased a twofer, (two for one). Not only could I keep my pants from falling down, I could open a bottle anytime, anywhere!

Disappointment set in quickly.  Almost every bottle, or at least every bottle I need to open is a twist top. Bottle openers are everywhere, on utility knives, survival tools, key chains and places I certainly would not have thought of, belt buckles being one.

Don’t you think that in this day and age somebody would have gotten in touch with the bottle opening people and let them know that bottles are now all twist top? They need to stop with the traditional bottle openers and start selling twist top openers so we can all save our fingers from getting shredded!  

Now my friends, if one person stands up and demands a change in bottle openers, well they will think you are crazy, but if three people stand up, can you imagine three people standing up and demanding a change in bottle openers?  Why they will think its a movement, but could you imagine if we all stood up, hundreds if not thousands of us stand up and demand a change in bottle openers?  Why they would think its a revolution, and friends that is just what it would be, The 2018 Bottle Opener Revolution!  All you Arlo Guthrie fans will understand the above reference. The rest of you may want to find half an hour and have a listen to Alice’s Restaurant. 

Now to get back on track with this blog.  We are just waiting for it to come around on the keyboard. Here it comes!

A year went past, and another one and I never got to use my secret belt buckle bottle opener.  And then it happened. Walking through the grocery store we found a four pack bottle of soda, limited edition, with, you know it, non-twist off bottle caps!

The first bottle I totally messed up.  I was at home in sweatpants.  I reached into the fridge took out the bottle and without thinking tried to twist the top off shredding my fingers in the process.  Pissed off I reached into a kitchen drawer and used the traditional kitchen bottle opener to open the bottle and only thought of my belt buckle moments later.  Damn!

The second bottle was a success(?) I was at work and had brought one of the bottles of soda.  When I went to open it I realized I didn’t have a bottle opener.  I looked around at work, no bottle opener.  I have a few unorthodox methods of opening a bottle and was looking for the proper surface to do just that when it struck me!  I was wearing my belt! Yay.

Then I found another problem.  In order to use my secret bottle opener I had to unbuckle my belt and losen it some as the opener is located on the underside of the buckle.   I don’t know about the rest of you, but undoing my belt at work and using it to open my soda bottle is not what I consider appropriate.  Heading into the washroom with a bottle of soda is also not something I would recommend either, Finally I slipped into the warehouse hid behind a pallate of boxes and did the deed.  Finally I got to use my belt to open a bottle. 

Money well spent.