Archive for April 18th, 2010

The Mall

My wife’s cousin made the following statement on Facebook a few weeks ago:  “I am officially THAT guy who waits for his wife in the nail salon while his wife gets her eyebrows done.” I just had to laugh, is there anybody who has been married for any length of time who isn’t that guy?  

One day my wife, (not my current wife, my ex-wife) and I were perusing through the mall. She was shopping for who the heck knows what and as she headed into yet another store I found a bench.  The elderly gentleman who was already sitting there looked up from his paper as I sat down and we had the following conversation.

Mr X. “Welcome to the bench club”

Me: “Excuse me?”

X: “The MetroTown bench club, which store is she in?”

Me: (pointing) “I’m pretty sure that one over there.”

X: “my wife went in that one over there 2o minutes ago”

Me: “Twenty minutes?  I certainly hope she will show up soon.  My wife won’t take that long.”

X: (giving me an odd look) “If you say so, mine shouldn’t be much longer after all I’m holding her purse (he reached down and raised her purse a little so I could see it) and she will be needing it soon enough.”

Me: “So, you sit on the bench holding her purse reading the paper while your wife shops”

X: “Thats the truth of it son.  Mind you I started off just like you, sitting on the bench while she ran into the store…just for a minute eventually I learned to bring a paper to read. I’m not sure when I started holding the purse that just happens”

Me: (starting to look around for my wife and thinking, the last thing she said to me was, can you wait out here for me? I’ll only be a minute).

X: (grinning)  “Yes son, I was once like you thinking that it’s not going to happen to me.  Yet here I sit.”

A few minutes later my wife came out the store, and as I got up to leave Mr. X said to me, “Next time bring a paper, you will need it”

Well I’m not married to my ex anymore (which is why I refer to her as my ex). And my current wife likes to shop about as much as I do so I never find myself sitting on the bench waiting for her except for two weeks ago while she was having her hair done.

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