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Archive for June, 2021

Perfect Magic has always been a store for magicians. We did not carry gum that tasted like garlic, cigarettes which exploded or the ever popular fake dog poop. Although I have seen dog poop used with great success in magic effects. The late great Tony Eng really fooled the crap out of me (pun intended)with a dog poop effect, but this is a story for another day.

So it was quite shocking when my father decided that carrying a remote control fart machine in the shop would be a good idea.

Turned out to be the best idea ever.

I snuck into the shop a little early, hid the fart machine near the cash register and took control of the remote. It was agonizing having to wait for the first customer and then the perfect moment. I hid in the office, eyes focused, thumb on the remote. I heard Gordon Lightfoot’s voice in my head, a line from The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. “Does anyone know where the love of God goes when the waves turn minutes to hours?”

Finally the planets lined up. The customer decided on his purchase, mom punched the sale in the register then she bent over to get a bag. And in that moment I pushed the button. For some reason the fart sounded even more realistic than in my test run. My mother stood for half a beat and then started laughing. Laughing so hard she couldn’t even get my name out, although not for lack of trying. We laughed until mom, myself and the customer had tears rolling down our faces.

It was a very good day!

And we sold our first of many fart machines.

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We have been enjoying roaming the country in our 42’ fifth wheel for two seasons and heading into our third. Our Maiden Voyage in The Mothership was August of 2019, which was a month after we retired. We took three months and traveled from Pennsylvania to Southern California. In 2020 we planed to be on the road for 6 months but, you know, Covid. So we had a late start and did another 3 months. This year we plan on 5 months and we started Tuesday June 2 2021.

A few happy lesson’s I’ve learned or are reminded of while motoring across the country in THE MOTHERSHIP.

1. Life is full of twists and turns. Sometimes you don’t know its happening until you are floundering around up to your neck in the brown stuff. Figure it out, deal with it and move along.

2. Mistakes happen. Some are painful, some are costly, some are both. At the end of the day they are accidents. Learn the lesson dump the guilt and keep on moving.

3. Life is both the journey and the destination. Don’t get so caught up in one you forget the other.

4. Laugh. It is okay to be upset, frustrated, angry even scared. But when you look at it in the rear view mirror. Laugh.

5. There are times when hitting the brakes gets you into more trouble, know when to tap.

6. Some roads are less traveled for a good reason and you do not have to take them.

7. The United States is really absolutely stunning.

8. Most of us want the same things out of life, we just find our own roads. Be tolerant of those traveling a different road.

9. Don’t be a know it all, it gets old fast.

11. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or offer to help others. There is a debate in the RV world about offering to help others without first being asked. For some reason straight out offering to help somebody is taken to be offensive. I don’t see how being polite and decent to fellow living creature can be taken as offensive.

12. Find the balance between butting into someone else’s business and being helpful.

13. Don’t overthink everything, it is not always complicated.

14. When things go south ask yourself, “but did it kill you?” If the answer is no you are okay, breathe. If it did well then you are checking out the dead center of town.

15. Just Breathe, laugh and hold your partners hand….take your time….well all the other crap I told you above.

16. Yup…..breathe or you will pass out get in a fiery crash and die (again with the death) so yeah…..breathe.

17. Okay done for now, I think I see someone who needs help!

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When I worked at a communications company we were often asked by management what we, the front line workers found wrong with the company. My response was always the same, lack of communication.

It appears communication is problematic everywhere and there is no finer example than Facebook. The following are some of the precious nuggets I have found perusing this particular corner of social media. what?

In trying to sound intelligent, this guy forgot he was using the written word and not in a verbal conversation. He could have just put ‘smart people’ in quotes or Italics rather than spell out, ‘quote unquote smart people’. I love the irony.

“…you know man I never really believed in them much either. Whenever things in my life start paralleling these theories me having an analytical mind causes me to do some homework. It’s funny how all you quote unquote smart people just write everything off and won’t even look at the evidence because there’s plenty of evidence.”

I’m not sure if the poster below was trying to be funny, tripped over his own words, regardless I found it funny,

“Good morning. Roads are covered with low visibility.”

Another case of irony? He is trying to argue why school is not important for everyone, yet his communication skills prove the opposite.

“It’s because schools teach need to go to more school and let’s face it some are not ment to go to school extra and will never use them 100k in det I’m happy I knew I’d be working on cars and did not go to school”

This next post was actually about student loans.

“One in 4 americans,think about that then think about all the people you actauly know,how many actauly have school lian debt,there’s Norway its actauly one out of 4 americans”

This was a post discussing rv waste systems.

“We go to full hook up rv parks every 3 time out and fill it full and dump a few tims”

The following nugget was taken from a discussion about all those pesky car warranty calls.

“they were making some quality arrests in talking 15 16 at a time and well they found over 20 children in sex trafficking rings, twice and now nothing haven t heard of enything.”

The following two posts were taken from a discussion discussing bar’s being re-opened once life started normalizing after Covid lock downs.

If I had to bet I am sure the individuals who posted the comments were drunk.

“they should close all the bars in st college, you want to learn, or just be drunk, most just be drunk, no offense to the bar, it’s a honest business but these students are getting out of control these days, take their devils wine, and the devi,l go else whet4 but saying that good luck to you!”

“But I’m putting a monkey backpack on u Bc u hot n everyone’s gonna want u but u cumming home to me”

There is a cone shaped tool which fits on your drill, it is used to split firewood. There was an ad for one on Facebook and I found this gem in the responses.

“I had one for years jacked truck up took tire off bolted on it bust any could stick to it took man hold it for sure”

I’m the first to admit I am not good with punctuation. But I think a period now and again never hurts.

“Illegal where I live can not park it in the road my neighbor across the street tried it with his hunk of junk RV then they started living in it in the street we had a few words and he refused to move it so I took the next step and then he was forced to move it he was pissed but law clearly said he could not do it”

Again, a little punctuation would be nice. I am also a little confused, he doesn’t want to buy an Open Range Rv because of all the negative comments about them, (we love ours) yet he is in the market for one?

“Does everyone hate they’re open range i seen a lot about soft floors leaky plumbing and roofs makes me not want to buy one i am looking for one with a bathroom in the front anyone selling one”

Say What?

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